it’s coming

the last few mornings have had a twinge of fall in the air. it has cooled off more with the nights growing longer which makes morning runs absolutely lovely. today the high only reached the upper 70s and it’s bringing out all of my cravings for sweaters, bonfires, warm socks, and hot coffee on the porch under blankets.

i've tried to live in the present and enjoy each season as it comes. i've tried to let august be august and not try to force october into it. as per usual though - i can’t wait for october. {september in nc is what we call fake fall, so it doesn't always get included in my autumnal musings. probably as a way to protect myself from disappointment...} fall brings with it so many things i love and i want it to hurry up and get here and then sllooooooowww down and stay a while. 

today was overcast and moody and the perfect day to write and light candles and make muffins and play board games. granted, i mostly did laundry and chores and worked and took my kids to their music lessons. i didn't have time for most of the things i’d really like to do on a day like this, but i’m grateful for the ambiance nonetheless. and i did light a candle.

we haven’t had a full day of overcast for a while and i was getting a little bored. in addition to other things, i’m a writer, and we need our moody days to go through the full range of emotion. 

every time the temperature drops outside during the summer it reminds me how good it tastes to have a chill in the air, and i want to move to the mountains and never move anywhere else. that's probably why we've never truly considered a move to the mountains. i think peter secretly knows i wouldn't budge after that. 

but here's the thing that's been rolling around in my head for the past couple of weeks. places leave their imprints, yes. people impact you. situations slowly chisel away at you like the river on the rock. but. places cannot fill you. {not even the mountains.}people cannot make you matter. situations cannot give you the significance you crave.

no matter how well-known you are for whatever you want to be known for, you will still be you. you will still be the same person you were before. 

i have to remind myself of that sometimes. {ok, all the time.}

moving somewhere else will not make me a different person. i will still have struggles. life will still ebb and flow. stress will still find me. the place will not fix all of the things that are wrong with me.

i am significant because i am made in the image of God.

i didn't make myself that way and i can't earn it either. 

i can wish for other things and other places and to matter more, but i don't really understand what that means at the end of the day. because nothing i do is going to get me to that "home" place. where it's 100% good. we have our moments, sure. but why do we all have this longing for a true home if we weren't made for a place like that?

and the thing is, if i can't get there on my own then that must mean that it's not up to me to begin with.

and in case you're wondering, it's not up to you either.

we were made with the ability to do so many amazing things. but God is the only one who saves.

he's the one who makes us significant.

he's the one who brings the changing seasons. he's the one who gives us a day of respite in the middle of august just to breathe and give thanks for today.

a day that reminds us to dream about what's coming - whether the horizon is october, or forever.

xoxo