it cannot be held

i cannot grasp it.

this life.

i want to hold it

but i can't.

it's like happiness --

as soon as i focus on it,

it slips away.

it cannot be held

only appreciated

and relished 

in the moment

like a morsel

of really good chocolate

on the tongue.

the best ones remain

not as they actually were

but as we choose to remember them

in the "always" of their funerals.

in the memories of them we carry

with us

until our light fades

back into the ground here.

and we are forgotten too.

dust to dust.

dust then made whole.

the not yet made yet. 

made now.

made into the should've always been 

we each hold in our hearts 

and desperately want to be true

but just isn't. 

not here.

not yet.

not on this side of heaven.

what must it be like 

to hold forever?

xoxo