what should not be forgotten

over the past several months i have wanted to write and write deeply about the 3 1/2 years i spent on staff with the eagles, but something in me has stayed me. because what do i say? how do i describe my entire life over the course of 1,200 days in a single post? 

and perhaps therein lies the problem. one day of writing will not encompass everything. and really? it shouldn't. the days and weeks varied. the seasons within that season ranged widely. so this is merely a start. 

at the end of july i wrapped up my time on staff with the eagles. and before you ask, i do not have the answer to exactly what comes next, to what this season is that i find myself in, but simply that it was time to move on. 

sitting in the unknown has never been comfortable for me. flying by the seat of my pants often lands me somewhere i don't want to be. i like plans. i like lists. to-dos. and check-marks. i like feeling like i'm in control even though i know i'm not really.

but i digress. because that's not the point.

so what are some of the things that should not be forgotten? 

God can use whatever and whomever he wants to change your life whenever he wants. 

when i said yes to coming on staff it wasn't because i was looking for a job, and it wasn't because i was confident that i could do the job, but because the Lord laid my name on the heart of someone i hardly knew at the time, and she was faithful in reaching out to me even though it didn't really make any sense. i'm forever grateful to her for her obedience. i am grateful for the way the Lord opened doors and showed up for me.

i am grateful for all of the ways that the Lord brought me into story after story and let me take part in them in tiny little ways.

i wish i could introduce you to the teenage girls that i met and helped to train in bangladesh. i wish you could feel the nearly-tangible holiness of the moments as we left and kieley and i hugged every single one of them. 

i wish i could take you to colombia and introduce you to all of the kids in all of the different neighborhoods we visited. i wish you could step onto the field and play a game with them like i got to do. i wish you could experience the hospitality of people welcoming you into all that they have whether it's a patch of dirt, a birthday cake, a fenced in basketball court, or a pasture with cow dung and soccer nets. 

i wish i could sit you down in a room with each and every one of the lady eagles' players who stepped on the field for the last three seasons and let you hear their stories of how the Lord met them both on and off the soccer field over their summer(s) in charlotte.

i wish you could've been a fly on the wall in van rides, at team dinners, during their small group time, as the team shared at each ebenezer night, and as they walked through two national championship games. one the victor. one the runner-up. both with a huddle of both teams at the end. 

i wish we could stop counting all the things - because it's not about the numbers - and instead you could feel the impact on the souls. because that impact is something that the Lord invited me into. not because of something i did or could do of my own accord, but because he graciously allowed me to be a part of it.

the Lord used the eagles in my life to mold me and shape me in ways i didn't know i needed. 

i think that is true of all holy interactions. 

eyes are opened. 

hearts begin to understand.

deaf ears start to hear.

we all know i'd be lying if i told you every day was wonderful. because it wasn't. i had many days full of frustration where i didn't know how long my time would last, and if it really mattered one way or the other. 

but the Lord led, and i followed. not always as quickly as i could have. but i followed.

there are parts that i miss immensely. and when it all comes down to it, those parts are people. people who continually pointed me back to Jesus and reminded me who He is. 

i know more stories will come to the forefront as time moves on. but for now, those are {at least some of} the pieces that should not be forgotten.

with much love

& gratitude

xoxo