here, there, & everywhere

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life is crazy. just crazy. now that soccer is in full swing i consider it a good day if i get done even half of what's on my to do list for any given day. the business is coming along, though admittedly a little slower than i would like. i feel like i have to start "going" from the moment i wake up in the morning until the moment my head hits the pillow at night.

last night peter was out of town for work, and i had to remind myself that it really was okay for me to watch a show without working on something else too. productivity is important, yes, but so is breathing and taking a little time to relax. [keyword: little]

i cannot believe that march is right around the corner. i haven't even gotten used to february yet. twenty twelve is flying by already, but it seems as though we've hardly scratched the surface.

march down here means spring, though it seems as though we skipped winter entirely this year - save for one or two days... i'm not quite sure i'm ready for spring, and i know i'm not ready for summer to rear its ridiculously warm head again.

i'm sure it will all go by faster than i can blink though. it seems to do that no matter what. the unspoken motto for this year seems to be -- hold on, or you'll get left behind. so i'm holding on, and trying to somehow find a way to enjoy the everyday things. you know, those things that i can't quite make out until they've already blown by.

how are you? has life been crazy for you too?

i hope you're having

a pleasant week!

confessions

#1. i hate crying in front of people. hate it. when you cry in front of someone the emotion it usually evokes in him/her is pity. i hate it when people pity me.

#2. i really want this whole business venture to succeed, and i wish i had a better idea of what i'm doing, and what will make that happen.

#3. if i could only pick one food to eat for the rest of my life i'd pick cheese. i've never met a cheese i don't like.

Source: cupcakesandcashmere.com via Kate on Pinterest

#4. i love good photography. good photos capture the essence of the situation, and let you remember it forever.

Source: stevemccurry.wordpress.com via Kate on Pinterest

#5. i like cooking, but i enjoy baking more. it actually bothers me that i haven't had time to bake anything since just after christmas. and i desperately [dramatic, i know...] want to try my hand at making macaroons.

Source: etsy.com via Kate on Pinterest

#6. i hate doing laundry. one time in college i went out and bought a week's worth of underwear so i could make it to break without doing my laundry. [this is also one of the many reasons why i have so many clothes.]

Source: teacuplane-sandy.blogspot.com via Melissa on Pinterest

#7. putting together my outfit in the morning is usually one of the best parts of my day. i love the self-expression inherent in the task.

your turn.

dear someday baby,

it's strange to say that i've been thinking about you a lot since i still don't know who you are, or if you even exist yet, but it's true nonetheless. i've been thinking about how we'll have to rearrange our house, and rearrange our lives because you'll be here.
and i so want you to be here.

Source: sidebysideblog.blogspot.com via Kate on Pinterest

i've been praying for you too. and for me. that i'll be able to hang on just a little longer. everyday i tell myself to keep holding on. to keep believing that you'll come someday. and i keep hoping that someday is sooner rather than later.

i wonder what your favorite toy will be, whether you'll be an introvert or an extrovert, what color eyes you'll have, whether you'll be emotional (like me), or logical (like your daddy).

i wonder when you'll find your way into the world. i wonder which room you'll be in when you take your first steps. i wonder if you'll be a curious and inquisitive child, or a cautious one, who takes calculated risks. i wonder how stubborn you'll be.

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there are so many adventures i want to have with you.

i'll take you for runs, and bike rides, and on walks with bexley. we'll go to the store, to the park, to the pool. we'll teach you how to kick a soccer ball, how to ski, how to help your grandpa lift weights and do push-ups, how to be a steelers fan, and that heinz is the only real ketchup - all of which are pretty essential if you ask me...

Source: plymours.info via Kate on Pinterest

we'll tell you all the time how much we love you. and we'll keep telling you always. even when you're a teenager because that's probably when you'll like us the least, and need to hear it the most.

we'll do our best to show you the world - to help you learn about different cultures, and learn to appreciate people who are different than you. we'll try to teach you the difference between a right and a privilege, and the importance of both hard work and persistence.

Source: joannagoddard.blogspot.com via Kate on Pinterest

i wish i knew when you were coming - if for nothing else than to know you're coming at all.
i love you to pieces already babykins.

love,

your mama

the green eyed monster

Source: Uploaded by user via Jessica on Pinterest

do you ever turn into the green eyed monster? with envy shooting out your eyeballs? i hate to admit that i am not immune to envy. [wouldn't it be nice if they could come up with a vaccine for it? i would pay big bucks for that...]

bearing up under any burden is much more admirable when you do it without batting an eyelash. when you accept what has been given you, and just keep pressing on and pushing through. at the very worst you get a little bit upset about the situation you find yourself in sometimes, but that's as bad as it gets. wanting what someone else has, and what they get so easily is absolutely unacceptable - even if you have wanted it far longer. even if your wanting it has nothing to do with them having it. 

even if you would cut off your arm to get it. 

unfortunately, i alternate between bearing up under the burden, and a raging jealousy of those who don't have to bear up under the same burden.
i'll let you guess which one i spend more time with. 

everyone is broken one way or another. we live in a hurting and broken world. yet, i cannot tell you how many times i've wished for a different struggle. i think that's probably true no matter what your struggle is. we always think the grass is greener on the other side, even if the "greener" grass is only slightly less brown than our own.

we like to think we can control our own destiny. and in some senses we can. we make a lot of choices, and choices have consequences - both good and bad. but in other ways we have zero control. 

many people wind up with some kind of health problem due to things completely outside of their own control. some people wind up where they never thought they'd be because of an accident. or because they had a genetic proclivity for something or other. 

accidents happen. cancer happens. undeserved job loss happens. heart attacks happen. mental illness happens. infertility happens. __it happens. all the time. to everyone. no one is immune. 

and that sucks. it sucks that we all deal with crap. and that sometimes the silver lining is just grey. the clouds in the sky are just full of rain, and what lights them up is less of the sun shining through, and more of a lightning strike.

but the thing is, hope dies last.

we continue to hope even when we've lost hope. even when everything we show to the world masks that fact. sometimes you want to talk yourself out of hoping. sometimes it'd be easier that way. hope isn't practical. but it still dies last. instinctively.

yes, sometimes i need to let something go, and go on with my life. even if i don't want to. even if i don't want to believe that i will never give birth to a child... in this case i have to accept the hand i'm dealt. i cannot control the situation.

but it also goes to show that we all need redemption. and we need each other. we are all hurting and broken. we all need support. we're all weak and hurting sometimes. we all have days when the only thing on the to do list is to stay alive.

it doesn't matter what a life looks like from the outside. we all struggle.
period.

sometimes the green eyed monster gets the best of you. sometimes life is hard.

but hope dies last.

hello february!

how are you on this first day of february? did january fly by you too? [like airplanes in the night sky?]

Source: Uploaded by user via Kate on Pinterest

since february is upon us i decided to do a quick look back at the goals i set in january, and see how they're coming along.

1. get better at getting up early. well, i'm doing better than i was, but still don't like it. it still takes me a while to wake up, and far too often all i want to do is hit snooze and go back to sleep. 

progress? ✓ completed? ✕

Source: honeybeeinthecity.blogspot.com via Tiffany on Pinterest

2. read a book a month. first up is: soccernomics. obviously this cannot be completed in a month, but i'm on my way! next up? the handmade marketplace.

progress? ✓ completed? ✕

via karichapin.com

3. run a marathon. completed? ✓ 

4. launch my business. completed? ✓

turquoiseandplum.com

5. do everything in my power to move the adoption process forward. it's hard to say with this one. so much has completely changed...

progress? ✓* completed? ✕ ✕

Source: jesustotheworld.tumblr.com via Kate on Pinterest

6. enjoy the everyday. i am failing miserably when it comes to this one. 

progress? ✕ completed? ✕ ✕

Source: google.com via Kristin on Pinterest

7. enjoy exercise. slowly, but surely. i'd like it to be more consistent, but we're getting there. 

progress? ✓ completed? ✕

Source: google.com via Shannon on Pinterest

how was your january?

are you making progress?

for someday.

a couple of weeks ago i found out that another blogger i follow is prego. and since then she has written a few letters to her baby, and plans on continually writing letters [at least] until the little munchkin is born. it got me thinking about what a great idea that is - to write letters to your unborn child.

of course, i subsequently got a little depressed at the prospect of never getting to write letters to the unborn child somersaulting about in my body. but then i thought - why not write them anyway? no matter who births our children our babies will know that we have been thinking about them, and planning for them for a very long time. 

i have no idea what the adoption process will look like for us. just a few weeks ago i thought we would be in a very different place than we actually are on this last day of january. by the time we actually bring a child home i may have a few years worth of letters to him/her. i don't know what will happen. but i have decided to write him/her anyway...

Source: flickr.com via Kate on Pinterest

to our dearest little one,

i don't know you yet. i haven't even heard news of your existence. at this point i have no idea who you are, or if your birthmother-to-be is even expecting you. i do know, that i'm anxious to meet you, and i'm hoping, with a cautious hope, that it won't be too long before that happens.

we've been waiting for you for a long time. your daddy and i have prayed for you time and time and time again. we already know - even without knowing anything else - what a huge blessing you will be, and that we are going to love you with more love than we ever thought possible. you will have so many people who love you. so many people surrounding you who will want to spoil you rotten. but your daddy won't let them. he'll reason with them, and rationalize with them, and ask them to donate to your college fund instead. that way you'll be spoiled with education, which [i hate to tell you] is more important than toys anyway. 

your daddy is the best guy you'll ever know. i promise. despite the fact that he will purposefully embarrass you as a teenager, and won't let you get away with irrational arguments. he'll read you fairy tales as a toddler and jokingly tell you something crazy like: the moral of sleeping beauty is that boys should kiss sleeping girls. but more importantly, he will always want what is best for you. we both will.

and i hope that somehow you'll end up with the best parts of both of us. 

i can't wait to watch you learn and grow, and to become the person God created you to be. i wonder who you'll be. i wonder how old you'll be for your first christmas. i wonder what sport you'll favor. will all of the time you'll inevitably spend around a soccer field as a child make you fall in love with it? or will you decide on something else? will you be a picky eater, or love all kinds of food? will you be a lefty like your grandpas, and your cousin? will you be a whirlwind of activity, or a calm child?

i can't wait to know you're coming. i can't wait to know you. i can't wait to rock you to sleep at night - or walk laps around the house if that's what it takes. i can't wait to wrap you up in your blanket and kiss your little baby cheeks. i can't wait to have all kinds of adventures with you. i can't wait to meet your courageous, expectant, birthmother-to-be.

i just can't wait.

i love you to pieces already.

Source: etsy.com via Kate on Pinterest

love,

your mama

the golden age

last night peter and i stayed up late and watched midnight in paris. i had wanted to see it since it came to theaters, but peter flatly refuses to watch chick flicks if there is another movie we both want to see. i got so excited when i realized red box had it that it would have seemed almost cruel if he insisted upon something else. almost. but peter, being who he is, didn't even look at anything else, he just rented it.

via imdb

have you seen it? you should. especially if you have ever thought about the wonder that must have encapsulated paris in the midst of the jazz age. can you imagine? expatriates flooding paris, artists and writers meeting and befriending one another while walking along the seine. the feeling of awe that must have permeated all such parties where household names showed up one after another. artists living in the tension of friendship, mutual admiration, and fierce competitive envy of the other artists surrounding them...

better yet, read hemingway's "a moveable feast" and then watch midnight in paris.
no, seriously.

the thing is they didn't realize that they lived in the golden age. to them it was all normal. it was just how life was. do you think hemingway thought it strange to rub shoulders with fitzgerald? or to visit with gertrude stein? even if he did at first [which i can hardly believe] after a while i'm sure it was simply expected. after a while people stop being anything besides people. we come to realize that friends and celebrities, innovators and artists, the unemployed, the failed-at-whatever-they-tried, the geniuses and the not-so-much -- we're all kind of the same. we're all people with strengths and weaknesses. with flaws and redeeming values. we come to realize that our own best qualities can turn on a dime into our worst, and that is true of others as well, regardless of name or standing.

it's easy to form an opinion now about the eras that have been given a title posthumously. we know what we know now. we know how many of the artists and writers floating around 1920s paris have lived well beyond their years in the works they created. but back then it was just normal.

and normal can be unnerving and a little dull when you don't know that you're living in what will come to be called the golden age.

i don't think most golden ages of anything are known as such in the midst of them. i think the golden tint is added to later memories about how amazing it would be for us to go back to then knowing what we know now. and yet, how soon would it become normal? how quickly would we realize that the golden tint we thrust upon a decade or an era goes away as quickly as the sun sets over paris?

some times are undeniably harder than others. undeniably. yet too often, no matter what time we're living in, we see other grass as being greener, and other lifetimes more golden.

the legacy of a time is due in large part to the people who make it up. if all i ever do is wish for something else it'll be a lot harder to impact where i am right now.

maybe what we're living in right now

will be remembered 

by our great-great grandchildren

as the golden age. 

of course, i'd still love to see

paris in the 1920s.

*wink*