running

i go for runs

in the early morning.

when nothing moves

save for the deer

and the rabbits

with their fluffy tails and

sideways eyes

darting out of the way just in time.

my legs churn.

they eat up the pavement.

and i remember to breathe.

i'm bad at it.

bad at slowing down.

bad at taking the time

to look back

and remember how far i've

come.

no.

forward we must go.

forward. pushing

on.

pushing myself

faster

and harder

until my legs

and my lungs burn

and i am spent.

some days i run myself into 

the ground

just to try

to find myself in there.

underneath.

mom,

but not just mom.

wife,

but not just wife.

employee,

but not just employee.

friend,

but not just friend.

daughter,

but not just daughter;

daughter of the king.

all of these pieces

trying to work back

to the reminder

that i am made

in the image of the father.

fearfully.

wonderfully.

made.

created.

designed.

even when i feel

anything but.

when the shards 

of my brokenness

cut sideways

and deep.

which {let's be honest}

happens most days.

on those most days

i try to 

earn my worth.

i work

and i strive

and i 

fight 

tooth and nail to prove

that i am enough.

why don't i

remember?

it is finished.

it is finished.

i can come to him

shards and all.

he already bled for me.

i don't have to 

be enough.