rounding out a year

this morning in the car on the way to school we had a short discussion on time. our son told me that this year - in 5th grade - seems to be going much faster than his 4th grade year did. our middle daughter agreed that the days at school seem to go so quickly, but sometimes the weeks seem to last forever.

i've thought a lot about time lately. as i get older time moves faster. maybe not technically, but since each day makes up a smaller and smaller percentage of my ongoing life, the argument can be made nonetheless. 

and right now i'm trying to get a hold of things that do not want to be held.

my kids growing up. this year flying by. even the fleeting moments i only seem to realize are the best ones as they're sliding past. 

they will not be held. 

we cannot hold water with a closed fist. the only way is to remain open-handed.

as we slide ever faster to the end of the year, the end of november squeaks by and brings with it all things christmas. they are here in full force. the calendar flipping to december means decorating the house, getting the tree, and moving entirely into the chaos that generally leads up to christmas.

{i could spend a while on the chaos alone.

but. it's probably best if we keep moving.}

this fall proved busier than we would have liked, but brought with it some really sweet moments of growth as individuals, and as a family. we watched a lot of soccer between each of the kids' teams, college games, and of course, the premier league.

work slowed down after a summer capped off with a national champions trophy, but the preparation for next summer began after a few weeks of respite and will start to pick up faster and faster again over the next few weeks, and we will be fully off and running come january. 

we just finished our giving tuesday campaign which raised $25K to help sustain our program through another season. videos accompanied our campaign, and the full giving tuesday video was such an encouragement to me. if you support my work  - or even if you don't - and you haven't seen it, you can take a few minutes and watch it below {or watch a better quality of it here }. 

this is what we work for. this is what your support provides. it provides a way for us to put in the work throughout the year so that we can have a summer that looks like this. {sidenote: if you'd like to contribute, you can do that here.}

i know the ladies' stories are great places to point to when we talk about impact, but when i stop and really think about it what baffles my mind more than anything else is how the Lord has sanded off some of my rough edges through this work. {yes, there are plenty more because i don't do things halfway. i'm a full-on sharp-edged mess.} you all pour into me so that i can pour out into the ladies that step on the field each summer. the way that your sacrifice has borne fruit in my own life is nothing short of amazing.

when i started playing soccer at six years old i had no idea the impact that the game would have on me. and i had no idea that the Lord would use that game and the pieces of my life story wrapped up in it to share His love and goodness.  

that is the big picture. people knowing Jesus. my heart transforming more and more each day to look more like Him and to be a better picture for others of what it means to follow Him. to spur others on as they spur me on. but it's so easy to lose my balance. 

on one side i can get stuck in the idea that i have to do certain things in order to show people Jesus. but it's not up to me. it never was. and no matter what i do, it never will be. i'm called to be obedient to what the Lord has called me to do. to "put my hand to the plow" in the space i'm in. i'm no one's savior. not even my own. {although if i'm honest, i forget this a lot. sanctification is a process.}

on the flip-side it's really easy to get lost in the minutiae of everyday life and think that nothing i do matters. it's easy to miss the pieces that matter and concentrate instead of the things that just don't. so often i get in the way of what i'm trying to do because i forget the why. i get lost in the check-boxes and forget why i wrote down those check-boxes to begin with. 

many days i feel like i'm not doing anything that really matters. this is true across the board, in just about every role i play, because there are so many small things. things that seem so insignificant. 

but why do i do the small things? 

because all of the small things contribute mightily to the big thing. 

am i being faithful with what i've been given?

this morning i read the end of the book of john. the recounting of when peter asks Jesus: what about john? what will happen to him? and Jesus tells him, "what's it to you? you, follow me!"

am i following Jesus? exactly where he put me? with clear eyes focused on him? 

this season, and each season, may we remember to keep our eyes focused on him.

xoxo