growing up

{found via pinterest from interiorguide}

the last few days i've been all over the place. not physically, but actually. my head has been spinning on its axis.

this morning i pulled up my quotables page on pinterest to find the above quote about growing up being a trap, and i found myself comforted in the smallest way. because i didn't find what i was looking for right away, but instead i found all of these quotes that i've saved because they resonated with my soul. and i needed to remind myself of many of those things. the profound ones, the funny ones, the hard ones.

i've had writer's block like you wouldn't believe {unless you're a writer, of course} over the last few weeks, and it has driven me just short of mad. i sit down at the keyboard, and my fingers stop. or one of my littles wakes up earlier than normal, and i can hardly even start. 

when i have the words in my head, i have no time, and when i have the time, i have no words. 

i feel like i have nothing to say that actually matters right now. i've been spinning my wheels lately. i know this is a season of life, but i wonder if what i'm doing actually matters. and i want to start something else that has been weighing on me, but i'm scared to start it because i don't want to fail. i also don't want to half-ass it, or bite off more than i can chew, or add to the noise without saying anything new or helpful.

growing up is a trap. you think it's going to be great because you can make all of your own decisions and decide what you want to eat for dinner, and what you want to buy, and when to go to bed. you can decide how late you want to stay out at night and no one tells you what to do anymore. your life is your own - except that it's not.

there is this little thing lurking inside of there called responsibility. you are responsible for your own self. for your own decisions. for your own actions. for your own bills. for making all of your own appointments and phone calls. for putting food on the table, and keeping a roof over your head. and sometimes you're responsible for other tiny humans {or not-so-tiny-anymore ones} too. making someone else cover for your irresponsibility is incredibly selfish. {i should know. i've been the selfish one a few too many times.}

and now those things that could've been when you were growing up suddenly fit into the category of should be. that's the hard part. we get to this grown-up place and we can become disenchanted with life. it's not always some beautiful, sparkling thing. it has lost its shine, and its promise with it.

and now that we've reached this sunshiny place where dreams go to die, allow me to digress.

this is not to say that everything is terrible. it just means we have poor expectations. we've been told since forever that we should follow our hearts and our dreams. we should follow our passion. but that doesn't always put food on the table or money in the bank.

but life isn't just about work in the traditional sense of the word. not in the sense of vocation. we are multi-faceted people. too often we take what we do and assume that's who we are. we make that assumption about other people, and we believe it about ourselves. but it's not true.

and part of growing up is learning that people are not only what we see. growing up means learning how to take on someone else's perspective, and that is a really hard thing to do even without living in a world that tells us we should focus on ourselves first and most.

despite the fact that growing up really is a trap we're all bound for it sometime whether we want to or not.

so let's not forget that there are good things about it too. some days it's easy to forget how much we longed to be old enough to do __________. how much we wanted to control our own schedules and not have to answer to anyone. too often we miss out on things because we're not willing to throw out a challenge to the system. we're not willing to come up with a different solution.

how do we change that? how do we make growing up feel less like a trap? how can we solve problems instead of adding to the mess? how can we shift our mindsets to complain less, and give thanks for what is while working toward something better?

i think a big part of it is learning. learning how to think and how to have discussions with people. with real people - not people behind another screen that aren't really people in our minds. we need to live in communities. communities that go back to the root. we need to commune with each other. really, truly, and actually come together with other people we can trust without pretense.

we need to have people that we can say - i was a really crappy mom today. people with whom we can share our struggles. the real struggles, and all the struggles, not just the respectable ones.

we have gained a whole lot of screens, and lost contact with each other. {and yes, i recognize the hypocrisy since the only way to write this, and the only way for you to read it are to stare at some screens...}

on that note - let's all go find some 3 dimensional people to hang out with! let me know if you're around and want to be one of my people today. we can all grow up and solve the world's problems together.

happy weekending!


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