every single day.

{found via pinterest from the gifts of life}

do something that scares you every day.
every.
day.

i want to live more that way. too often i stay stuck in my routine - doing the things i've always done. i tend to do better with structure, so i know i'll never entirely do away with routine, but i cannot allow myself to be too comfortable either.

friday i did something that really scares me, and i came away from it even more scared and even more resolute that we should move forward. i went to an adoption conference for the day. 

we have talked about adoption for a long time. we have always planned on adopting, but now that it's "next" when it comes to kids i'm realizing how scared i am of the unknown of adoption. it's the same kind of scared as having a baby; it's just the process of adoption takes longer, and if i'm being really honest the stakes seem higher.

the stakes seem higher because we are taking in a child for the purpose of showing him/her unconditional love and raising him/her up. but i'm not an amazing parent. i fail daily. i mess up and make mistakes all the time. i ask for my kids' forgiveness a lot.

and i feel like i should be an amazing parent to adopt. i feel like many of these kids have been through so much and they need amazing parents.

it's really that simple. i feel like i should be more than i am in my parenting. i feel like i should be more for the children we have already. i feel like i should be more for the child who will join our family one day. and i'm scared i won't be enough for that child. i'm already scared that i'm not enough for our biological children.

i heard a lot of amazing stories on friday. i heard a lot of heartbreaking stories too. i heard about situations that angered me to my very core that any person could treat any other person that way.

and yet - there but for the grace of God, go i. by his grace alone i haven't ended up there. by his grace we can open our home up to a child. we can give that child a family.

it scares me. but i also know that is what we are to do. this is the road we are to walk.

there are so many kids out there who need families. there are so many kids who are traumatized daily - kids who do not have all they need. who am i not to act? who am i not to try?

who am i to let my fear of failure creep in and take away what has so clearly been laid on my heart? what has so clearly been laid on our heart as a family?

adoption scares me because it's such an unknown. but it scares me more to think about not adopting. because the truth of the matter is that all of my days are unknown. i am not in control. even when i think i am.

i don't know what tomorrow will bring. and lest you kid yourself - you don't either. none of us know what tomorrow will bring. we know what we want to happen, and what we're planning on happening, but we don't know.

so i will aim to do something every day that scares me {in the best way} because i have been given life and breath for today. for right now. for this moment.

xoxo