hold on with both hands

i know that recently i haven't been giving many updates on our life or our adoption process. it's mostly because it seemed anticlimactic to send out updates. we're busy with mundane things, but not much else is happening.

but today is a little bit different.

i need to back up and start a few years ago. back when we were battling infertility and i was battling with God. back then i wrote about holding onto God with both hands. so many times i hold on to all the stuff with one hand, and try to hold on to him with the other.

i try to bring my stuff with me and keep some semblance of control, but i don't need to hold on to the stuff. God can hold it all. he knows what i need and don't need. he knows what i need to let go.
he writes the story.
so i have to let go of my wants, and expectations, and trust that he knows what's best.

back then i came to the realization that i wanted to have a baby more than i wanted what God had for me. i had to let go of my plans and trust in what he had for me instead.

and a few weeks ago i realized {right in the middle of church} that i wanted to do this whole adoption thing "for God" more than i wanted to follow God himself into whatever story he's writing. and i told him that. i lay it out there, and asked him to draw us into whatever he has for us.

adoption
or no adoption.


at about 5:00 that evening i got a message from an adoption worker asking if we had been matched with an expectant mama yet. i was quite surprised because we hadn't heard from this particular agency in a while, but responded that we were still waiting.

she had a situation for us to consider.

she actually contacted us because another mom she had worked with knew this mom, and this other mom had seen our profile and thought we would be a great fit for each other.

and within a few hours we were matched with our expectant mama.

i generally describe our situation as "tentatively matched" only because our mama is not due until december, and there's just a lot of time and life between now and then.

adoption is a beautiful, wonderful, and heart-wrenching thing. and while we've never walked this road before the one thing that i know with any certainty is that it's hard.

i debated a lot about whether to share this news at this point or not. it's not because we didn't want to, but because there's so much we don't know yet.

at the end of the day though, we know that God is writing this story. we know that he's in control of every single day, and every single life.

and we know that we need ongoing prayer. lots and lots and lots of it. because we were not meant to walk this road by ourselves.

so please pray for our expectant mama. please pray for this little child. please pray for us and our kids.

we are making a choice to hope and to trust. we are making a choice to be all in. will you pray that we would continue to live our lives this way even through the hardness and the brokenness that comes from any two {or more} people coming together to do anything?

thanks friends!
we are grateful for you ♥

xoxo