hurry up and wait

hurry up and wait. it feels like the title of our adoption process. hurry up and wait. over and over again we do it. it's innate in the process. 

we had the privilege of meeting with our expectant mama last weekend. we enjoyed our time with her, and are grateful we got the chance to meet her and spend that time with her. above all, we are grateful. that's really what it comes down to. we are grateful. 

and if i'm being really honest, there are also a lot of days when i think - Lord, are you sure? are you really really sure that this is where we're supposed to be? because adoption is so many things. it is a beautiful picture in many senses, but it's also complicated and hard. 

i have to look at the moments that we have experienced along the way that bring confirmation time and time again. yes. right now, you are where you're supposed to be. 

that doesn't mean it's no longer complicated. it doesn't mean that it's no longer hard. it doesn't change anything at all on one hand, but on the other? everything is different. we can rest in the tension despite the tension.

i'm not saying that i do this well. most days i cling to the uncertainty of the tension instead of the certainty of God. i think i should be able to do something to control the situation and make it more comfortable for me. 

but i can't. 

i can't control it.

and let's be honest {again} - i shouldn't control it. i can't see the whole big picture. i can't see the end of the story that God is writing right now. so. here we sit. 

all hurried up to wait some more. to wait on God to guide us, and move us and challenge us and let us live inside this tension of life. 

i don't have any great wisdom. we just keep moving forward. we keep going on, and keep trusting and waiting as best we can. some days are easier than others. some days i want to be inside of God's will for us more than anything else, and some days i just want to want to be inside of God's will. because some days i act like a petulant child - wanting what i want when i want it with no regard for anything else. 

i've spent many days there. and there is no peace in the midst of those days.

as we continue on, please continue to pray for us. 

please. please. please. we need prayer. 

please pray for us, and our expectant mama.

please pray for our kids, and our family. 

we love you, friends!

and we are grateful.

xoxo