by a thread

i started my new job at the beginning of the month. the last three weeks have felt like a whirlwind because suddenly there's a whole other piece of life that demands time and attention. 

don't get me wrong, i knew it was coming. i had a nice long on-ramp, and i have been coached through the process much better than most. but that doesn't make the process easy, or even simple. 

learning something new involves a lot of falling down. and sometimes you trip right onto your face.

and the thing that i'm re-learning about myself is: i take things to heart. and by take things to heart, i mean that i don't just think through them like i should. i mean i dwell on them like i shouldn't. 

my drive to the office isn't too long, but thankfully it's long enough for me to decompress and pray. 

and that's usually what i do - i pray. not because i'm good, but more because i'm desperate. it's usually because i've realized yet again that i'm in over my head. and i'm overwhelmed by all of the things i need to think about and think through. all of the things to know and to plan and to consider. most of the time i stay inside my own head, and rely on my own strength.

how quickly i forget.

how quickly i forget.

how often i need reassurance.

unless the Lord builds the house the workers labor in vain.

in vain.

useless.

pointless.

futile.

without him

it

doesn't

matter.

and yet.

how often do i try to switch out his blueprint for mine? 

how often do i look to my own wisdom without seeking his?

how often do i think i know what the heck i'm talking about only to fall on my face before i cry out to him?

too often i'm hanging on by a thread before i cry out for him. too often i'm so stuck inside my own head that i fail to see the people around me. 

it's so easy to think about me, me, me. after all - i'm most acquainted with myself and my ideas and it all makes perfect sense inside my head. {okay, maybe not quite so much on the last one}

but the people around me are people. 

earth-shattering, right?

it seems obvious, but this pandemic and this job, and what i've been learning lately point to the fact that it may actually BE earth-shattering. because think about it -- far too often we only approach people within the context that we need their attention. 

i call parents when i need to talk with them about their kids. very often i reach out to people when i need their input, or their help, or their something else. 

so. many. interactions. are. transactional.

i talked with a mom today and in that two minute conversation i realized that i had called her to ask her about something yes, but she was struggling. she was struggling because she has a sick kid, and is trying to help her other kids do school at home while she also works from home. 

guys, we don't live in a vacuum.

she wasn't in a vacuum. 

because she's not just a mom in the position to help me with what i'm asking her to do for her kid. she has demands on her time that i know nothing about. i don't know the state of her heart or the rest of her life when i pick up that phone.

i told her i'd pray for her and her family as we were hanging up the phone. and i could be wrong, but she sounded near tears. she sounded like she was hanging on by a thread.

i do not always do a great - or even a good - job at this. but how would my perspective change if i consistently saw people as whole beings? with a history. with a million stories of a million moments. as multi-faceted imago Dei people. as masterpieces of the God of the universe?

would it help if we showed our weaknesses to each other more often? 

would it help if we asked "how are you?" out of a desire to actually know the answer?

what if we paid attention to the person behind the hand holding the door for us? 

what if we started the conversation from a place of compassion and a desire to understand?

don't get me wrong. this stuff gets messy really fast. 

any one of us can have a conversation and a realization about this stuff. but the living it out? 

the living it out is freakin' hard. 

because people walk through junk in their non-vacuum lives and then they spew it out all over the people they need things from. or the people that get in their way. 

stress bleeds out. hurt oozes. 

but what does it look like to love God and recognize our need for him so much that we see other people through his eyes?

it looks like Jesus.

it looks like a sacrifice. 

and it takes guts to try. especially because we've got the wholly human thing down, but we're not wholly God too. so the trying often means failing. failing and then having the guts to get up and try again. to be brave. to be strong and courageous because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

xoxo