this past week brought things with it that i never expected. the difference in my perspective between the time i woke up on friday morning, and when i went to sleep friday night (or tried to grasp the sleep that eluded me) was wholly and completely different. i was racked with worry. with indecision. with wondering. what is the right thing to do when everything feels like a lie? what are we called to do in the very situation, right now?
i can't entirely go into detail because i don't know all the details yet, but basically from here on out everything is going to be very different. peter and i are crossing into a new chapter of our lives so-to-speak, and it's not anything like the next chapter we were expecting.
this isn't where i thought i wanted to go, and yet it feels like (underneath the anxiety and questions) i knew it was coming all along. like maybe, pardon the cliché, it's time to make some lemonade. it's time to buck up and do what it takes. this may be altering our lives because we wouldn't have taken the step of faith on our own.
maybe God decided to smack us upside our heads with what needs to happen because we're too dense to figure it out on our own.
that doesn't make it easy.
that doesn't make us strong enough.
that doesn't make us smart enough.
that doesn't make us fully WANT to.
but we can't pretend we weren't just smacked in the face either.
frankly - we shouldn't.
and we won't.
we may, however, question and doubt and need some prodding to accomplish that which we've now set out to do.
where are we going next? I DON'T KNOW. but i truly believe that sometimes God pulls the safety net away to see what you're really putting your trust in. to see if you're willing to climb in the wheelbarrow...
the wheelbarrow that he is pushing across the tight rope from one cliff-top to the next.
when it all comes down to it, can i walk the walk?
am i really willing
in other news:
it seems utterly strange to me that this is super bowl sunday, especially in light of everything else that is happening in my world right now.
that said, since my boys aren't at the big dance this year i'm sticking with conference lines and cheering for indy.