real or not real?

first let me start off by giving you a *spoiler alert* - if you plan on seeing the hunger games movie that is currently out, and/or have not read the books (and plan to either see the movie(s) or read the books) you DO NOT want to read this post. i read all three books in rapid succession this weekend, and will be talking about the entirety of the story.


now, let me also say that i never really planned on reading these books. peter read them recently as a break from all of his business books for a quick, easy read. he finished all three books in four or five days, but he wasn't sure that i'd really like them. 

then, friday, we went to see the hunger games movie. it managed to intrigue me and frustrate me all at once. i hated the ending because i wanted to know what happened next. the more peter and i talked about the movie and how it matched up to the book, the more i wanted to read on in the series.

but i couldn't just read on... i had to start at the beginning to really understand the characters and some of the differences between the book and the movie. so, i started reading the first book friday night before bed. 

i finished the third book last night before bed. in just over 48 hours the series was complete. 
and i cried.

it sounds really silly, but i cried. i cried because the story ended how i thought it should - and how i thought it should changed from seeing the movie to reading the books. at the end of the movie i was mad that katniss wasn't being loyal, but from reading the books i changed my mind about her loyalty. knowing a person's/character's thought process, and where they're at in their own mind gives you an entirely different perspective than just seeing a visual representation of it.

but that's not why i cried. 

i cried because of all the sadness and brokenness mixed up in the happy. i cried because it took so much for them to really find each other. so much had changed them. changed them so that there were nightmares mixed up in their happy ending. 

i cried because it's so true. because the good and the bad come together. because we all need someone to hold us when we're afraid, someone to brush the hair off of your face, kiss your forehead, and chase away the demons. and we all have demons. 

and i think that's the thing. it's sad that nightmares get mixed up in happy endings. sad that everyone is broken. but it's also happy that there is such a thing as a happy ending when there is so much brokenness. happy that sleeping on my husband's shoulder can make me feel safe and sure. happy that i don't have to fight my demons all on my own. 

there is sadness in the happy to be sure. but there is also happiness in the sad.
and for that i am thankful.

you love me. 
real or not real?


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