once more

[full disclosure: this post has been about 3 days in the making, so bear with me if the times of day referenced don't all make sense. it's safe to say most times of day are represented here... ]

i currently sit at my computer while both babes sleep. i'm finishing off the last of my morning coffee even though it's after lunch. and i'm listening to christmas music mostly to get the song from curious george's christmas movie out of my head.

keane has been waking up earlier for the last week or so. he used to sleep until 8 a.m. almost without fail. this morning i woke up around 7:15 to him singing jingle bells in his bed. i would have been awake already if it weren't for adele waking up at 2:15 with gas, and then deciding she was hungry. however, waking up to a 2 year old singing jingle bells is probably the best way to wake up. [or close to it, anyway.]

it's christmastime once more. but this is the first year keane really understands much of what's going on. and it's pretty great to see him explore and discover christmas with unknowing eyes.

thus far he mostly likes to play with his "tow mater" ornament, and his little people nativity set. he has also enjoyed the christmas spoils of an advent calendar that dispenses one tiny little cookie a day, and his tyke-sized snowman mug full of peppermint hot chocolate.

and the curious george christmas movie. of course.

he also likes lighting christmas-scented candles in the morning. and looking at the christmas lights when we walk or drive through the neighborhood after dark. and he has repeatedly tried to open the lone gift under the tree right now, which is actually for adele.

but it is so fun to experience the magic of christmas through the eyes of a small child who is basically seeing it all for the first time.

adele likes looking at the lights on the tree, but mostly just likes watching her big brother doing anything and everything. even if she's not consistently sleeping through the night yet, her napping throughout the day is getting a lot better, and most importantly, she's a happy little nugget.

at christmas it's so easy for me to get overwhelmed by everything i'm supposed to do, and everything that's supposed to happen. and even by how i'm supposed to feel. it's both easy to think about the ways i've been blessed, and incredibly difficult to focus on them when so much is trying to pull my focus and attention.

i have thoughts and ideas in my head of the way things are "supposed to" go, and when said things don't cooperate i'm disappointed. even if the "supposed to" things were completely unrealistic. this year i have dialed back. i have loosened my grip on the christmas reins. or tried to at least.

but that certainly doesn't make things perfect. today has been a bit rough. for starters keane fought me about what to eat for breakfast. then he dumped out his [thankfully dry] cheerios all over the couch. granted the only reason he had cheerios on the couch was because adele was on a weird schedule thanks to her middle of the night shenanigans last night and needed to eat at the end of his breakfast time.

then, he thought it'd be a good idea to get his curious george christmas dvd stuck in the dvd player.

this just encompasses the first 90 minutes of awake time this morning... but i'm not complaining. sure, it was a long day. sure, i had a mini meltdown when adele didn't want to eat this evening, and keane was simultaneously screaming because i wouldn't allow him to watch charlie brown. but i'm not complaining.

because we all have those days. and i would bet that those days happen a bit more frequently the closer we get to christmas because everyone is hopped up on emotions and stress and putting entirely too much weight on having the perfect gift for each and every person. or maybe just getting something at all for certain people.

so, no, i'm not complaining that i had one of those days. they happen.
and today, it happened.
it wasn't fun, but thankfully we kept pressing on, and had some great moments in the middle of the hard ones.

i didn't get much checked off of my to do list today. it's generally the type of day i feel worst about given my personality, and i do feel a bit crappy about it. but that doesn't mean there wasn't anything good in the midst of it.

we've had a few of those sorta rough days with some great moments built in over the course of this week. the longer i parent two little babes - i mean, almost 4 months is such a long time to be a parent of two, so clearly i'm full of wisdom on the subject - the more i realize that hard moments are part and parcel of every single day.

some days the balance shifts from great days with hard moments to hard days with great moments, but both are there every day.

yesterday i was utterly exhausted by the time peter got home from work, and he let me take a brief nap before i made dinner. and when it was time for me to get up he let keane come in to wake me.

my sweet boy crawled up on the bed, gently touched his forehead to mine, and whispered "wake up mommy."

and that moment is one i'll store away and remember as he gets bigger.

moments like that - or when adele looks up at me and breaks into a huge grin - those moments remind me what a great privilege it is to be a mom. every moment is not beautiful, but every moment is worth it. [some are not worth it until you look back later, but this too shall pass, and the "later" will come.]

there is so much more i could say right now, but i'll leave it there and attempt to wrap my husband's gifts before the babes wake up from their naps.

no matter where you are in your life this christmas i hope you remember that this too shall pass. if you're in a really good place - relish it. savor it and give thanks for it as much as you possibly can. don't let it simply pass you by. grab a hold of it.

and if you're in a hard place know that it won't last forever. even if it feels like it right now. it won't last forever.

no matter where you are in your life this christmas i hope that the love of God finds a way to grab a hold of you in the midst of this holiday season.

xoxo