they know

recently i read another blog post from a friend who described her time as a young mother as wonderful, but somewhat frustrating. it seemed like every time she awoke early to do something without her four littles hanging on her at least one of them would "know" and find her.

my experience yesterday morning fit the above sentiments to a T. it was one of those mornings when in all of my selfish human-ness i wondered if God really hears prayers because oh-my-goodness-you-have-to-be-freaking-kidding-me.

my morning started at 3 a.m. well, sort of. adele still is not actually sleeping the whole way through the night on most nights. she's not eating in the middle of the night anymore, but she persists in waking up a lot of the time. if it's after 3:30 peter will get up, but anytime before that is my window.

she woke up at 3, and hence i got up to check on her. she went back to sleep pretty quickly that first time, but from 3 to about 4:20 she was in various states of wakefulness - mostly talking happily in her crib. when she was still very awake at 4:20 [and i had slept for about 30 minutes in that almost hour and a half] i woke up peter and asked him to take a turn to give me a half hour of sleep before i needed to feed her around 5.

at this point i should probably also mention that i was planning to get up shortly after 5:00 so i could get in a brief workout and shower before keane woke up and my day with the kids officially "started"....

peter woke me just before 5:00 since adele had fallen asleep in his arms and then promptly woke up when he put her back in her crib.

i nursed her and [despite her best efforts] got her back to sleep. i headed downstairs about 5:40 to change clothes so i could get in my workout. [in all honesty, i wouldn't have worked out if i hadn't desperately needed a shower. i knew if i didn't just stay up and work out i wouldn't wake up just to shower, and i actually had to go places and see people outside of my own house.]

i was quietly grabbing workout clothes when keane's video monitor popped on. when i looked at it i realized that he wasn't just moving in his sleep, but was actually awake because he couldn't find his lovey, or his pacifier and he basically needs both to fall asleep. i headed upstairs to try to prevent him from fully waking up, got him all squared away, and put him back to sleep. or at least put him back in his bed thinking he was going to fall back asleep...

i returned back downstairs to change clothes, checked the monitor, and saw him get up again. i went up and returned him to his bed. i changed clothes and was about to throw my hair up when i saw a little head moving down the last two stairs. 

at this point peter was awake and my stern "get back in your bed" roused him from his pillow. he took the little man back up to his bed. i did manage to get in a workout and a quick shower, then as i got dressed and ready for the day i watched keane get out of his bed and back in his bed. out of his bed. back in his bed. i thought he was staying in his room as he's supposed to until i heard legos dropping between his bed and the wall. oh well. he stayed upstairs and when his light turned on [we have it on a timer to tell him when he's allowed to come downstairs] he made his way downstairs.

suffice it to say that i was completely wiped out exhausted yesterday. like wiped out and done. you know all of those thoughts that you think about yourself that you know you shouldn't think about yourself? the thought snowball when a tough night turns itself into a ruined day even though it's not really ruined, but you find yourself just kind of wanting to cry? yep. i thought all of those yesterday. 

i normally brew 4 cups of coffee in the morning and finish my mug around lunchtime. [if that on some days] yesterday i drank the first 4 cups and then brewed another 4 cups of half-caf for the afternoon. and i was still dragging even before dinnertime. 

some days are just like that. and in some ways it's frustrating to not have one stinking moment to myself - okay, miss over-dramatic - to not have more than about 30 minutes to myself over the course of about 17 hours, but it's just one day.

one day where my little loves know that i love them despite my severe shortcomings. one day when his mommy-radar went off and he just wanted to hang out with me. one day when i woke up time and again because of sweet little baby babbles. i'd be lying if i didn't say those things made me a bit miserable at the time because i was just.so.tired. but thinking about them now? now i want to remember those things. they're growing like weeds, and i'm told it only gets faster as they get older.

xoxo