to matter


we all want to matter. this is not surprising or revolutionary news. it is certainly not an epiphany that never occurred to anyone before. but it is profoundly true. we all want to matter, and to know that we matter.

what i have realized more recently is that this is one of the big reasons for the debate about stay-at-home moms versus working moms. [sidenote: personally i don't think there is one right answer to that question, but i do think there is a right answer for your family.]

anyway, from my perspective as a stay-at-home mom there are plenty of days when i feel like i don't matter. where my entire existence is wrapped up in the raising of two tiny humans and just feels exhausting and nothing more. there are days when i wish i had work to do outside of my home. but i also know that if i had to go to work everyday i would miss staying at home with these two tiny humans.

in my daily existence i often feel like i don't really matter because on many occasions i don't interact with anyone over the age of 2 for the majority of my day. don't get me wrong - if i didn't think raising kids was of the utmost importance then i wouldn't be okay with staying at home with them. however, when zero percent of my daylight hours involve real adult conversation it's easy to miss the forest for the trees.

that said, i know that there are plenty of working mamas who hate that they have to leave their babes everyday. and really there is no winning in our society. in most circles one or the other is advocated. but this isn't really the point.

the point is that no matter what you do there are days when you feel like you don't matter. too often i look at what i do and want that to completely define me and to give me meaning. i'm looking to those things that i do, and i want them to define me.

too often i strive and strive and strive [after the wind] and try to make a dent in this life. to make a difference.
and that is a good thing.

but the problem lies in the fact that i want to earn it by what i'm doing. my heart is not in the right place. i want to matter... to make a difference. but too often i want to make a difference for me. and there is a huge difference between wanting to make a name for myself, and wanting to trumpet the God that i serve.

i think it was my youth pastor who said this - if not, i know it wasn't my original idea - but whoever it was said: it doesn't matter who you are; it matters whose you are.

and we miss that.

God matters. he's the creator of this whole crazy universe we live in. and we all want to be like God. that was the very nature of the fall of man. so we've tried to take over the primary role. but most of us [at least i'm pretty sure it's not just me] want to take over and stamp our name on something and leave a legacy of ourselves.

it's not bad at all to want to matter. but if i want to matter just because it'd be nice to stroke my ego and feel all wonderfully powerful then it is nothing but stupid. period.

this weekend i was feeling bad for my stay-at-home-mom self. i was feeling all "woe is me, i'm so tired, and in the grand scheme of things i don't really make a difference." and sunday the sermon was about self-pity and how it can really screw us up and eat away at us. [insert embarassed called-out and convicted emoji here. is there one of those? anyway...]

because i wanted to matter for me. not for God. for me. but that is completely, utterly, beyond pointless. at the end of the day the heaven and earth will pass away. so even if i'm remembered for something for generations of humans my name is still not the one that matters.

so for those of you that maybe sometimes get exhausted and feel like what you're doing doesn't matter - remember that it's not about who you are, it's about whose you are. it's not about your name going forward, but His name going forward. it's about soul-saving grace. and we all need a whole lot of grace every day.

we were all created in the image of God. we all matter to him. and he calls each one of us back to himself. and he gives each one of us grace upon grace. forgiveness upon forgiveness. he is far more gracious to us than we are to ourselves, or to each other.

at the end of the day, we matter to him.
and that means we matter.

much love to you!


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