the truth of the matter

{found via pinterest from attic treasures}

honest to goodness i've been struggling a bit lately with the purpose of my little blog. and, really what the purpose of my life is. and how those two things overlap and intersect. granted that probably sounds a little strange, but it's true nonetheless.

because the purpose of my life, and therefore how i try to live my life, should inform the purpose of everything i do.

when i started blogging i simply wanted an online place to catalog my thoughts, and to share photos and stories with family and friends living in a different part of the country or world. plus, i enjoy writing. and the more i think about it, the more i want to keep some sort of space for such things. a space for free-writing while being open to feedback. i enjoy writing for the sake of it, for the art of it, for the thought behind it, and for what it shows me about myself.

but i also want to do something that matters. right now there are a few people who enjoy my little musings [and plenty who do not], but no one would really miss it much if my posts didn't pop up every now and then.

the truth of the matter is that i want to put something out there that is consistent, and helpful, and that people care about. to that end i've been thinking through a whole bunch of stuff lately, and will hopefully be sharing it with you soon. we're just not quite there yet.

but i know that lately i've been thinking about big things differently than i have before. i've been thinking about this culture that we live in, and how we live in it.

i've been thinking about my relationship with money, and my relationship with stuff, and how my relationship with God should impact them both.

my thoughts get torn in two many times a day because i don't need for anything, but my wants often skyrocket through the roof. study after study after study has shown that stuff doesn't really make us happy. we all know this intellectually, but we still want more of it; because even though we know it we think maybe we're wrong. or maybe it's that we want to be wrong.

i believe in God. i believe that Jesus sacrificed himself for me and redeemed me; yet somehow, despite this belief, i pick apart his word, and chop it into pieces, and keep only what i like. his word outlines a way for me to live differently, but too often i don't. i live the same as everyone around me, and slap a little Jesus on top for good measure. i give him my leftovers instead of my first-fruits.

even as i write this i'm making excuses in my own head about how to get around some of this. because the truth of the matter is that it's hard to live differently. even if it's better than chasing happiness like everyone else around us. it's hard. chasing the fleeting god of our culture is much easier than living the way we're called to live.

i don't think that there is anything wrong with happiness. i do think happiness becomes a problem when we place it on God's throne, and let its pursuit supersede our maker.

the truth of the matter is that i need more grace than i think exists, and yet somehow it's poured out on me again and again and again.

i have such a short memory. i forget far too easily.
and yet, there is grace.



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