still in process

we're all in process. every single one of us. it's hard for me to remember that sometimes. i always want to jump to the end. the process isn't always fun, and i often want to skip it. i want to get to the next part - the part that seems better because the hard stuff is finished.

but the process is where the growth happens. that's where we go from the person we were to the person we are. we are constantly in process. we are in flux.

and we're supposed to be. we're supposed to be.

part of the reason the waiting is hard in our adoption process is because waiting is hard. period. because i'm an impatient person. it's a big thing, and big things make changes more obvious. but change happens every day.

every day in this process is a day i cannot get back.
every day in this process is a day that brings us closer to being a family of five.
every day in this process is a day that brings our kids closer to their next birthdays - days full of moments we will not live again.

and it is hard.
but it's good.

it's good because God is in control of the whole story.
i don't need to worry about the when or the how because he has the whole thing in his hands.

as someone who loves the feeling of being in control that truth is not always reassuring. but do i really think i know more than he does? he can see the whole story. beginning, middle, end. he's writing it.

"does the clay say to the potter 'what are you making?' " {isaiah 45: 9}

you guys, i'm the clay. just a hunk of something not fully formed.
i don't know where i'm going. i don't know our child yet, but God knows. he knows the who, the when, the how, the why. he knows it all.

all we need to do is trust.

i've found it easier to trust lately. not easy, mind you, but easier. i'm slowly releasing control. {and the next day trying to grasp it back.} but slowly, slowly, slowly i grab for it less often.

i am thankful for where we are.
i am thankful for the discomfort of not knowing.
i am thankful that God is capable of so much more than we could imagine.
i am thankful that he can take the hardest stories, and write something truly amazing.

he is good. always.
he wants the best for me. always.
he is trustworthy and true.
ALWAYS.

so we continue to inch forward.
and i am so incredibly thankful for the lessons i'm learning in the process.

thank you for your prayers, friends.
please continue to pray for us - our family as it is now, our adoptive child that we don't know yet, his/her family, and that we would hold on to God as we go through the process.

i'm confident that it is the prayers of those surrounding us that are buoying us up in the midst of the hard. i'm confident that i am growing through this process, and trusting through this process because you have prayed me there.
please don't stop!

{found via pinterest from america adopts}

xoxo