because there isn't

i've decided to take a few minutes to write down some thoughts. and it's not because my brain is restless, but simply because i know that i'll never actually have the time that i'd like to write as much as i'd like. i'm writing now not because there's time, but precisely because there isn't.

the last couple of weeks have been full. probably not any fuller than most of your weeks. {we all stuff them to the gills, don't we?} but full nonetheless. 

i've wondered most days how in the world i think i can accomplish anything at all of consequence when i can't even bring myself to take the time to clean our bathroom. 

the realization that this transition back to work is going to be a grind has left me a little bit weary. because now i'm on. and i feel as though i should always be on. but there's an ebb and flow to the ocean and there's an ebb and flow to the seasons and there should be an ebb and flow to our lives. God rested on the 7th day. what makes me think that as an imperfect human made in the image of God i somehow don't need to rest?

so i've thought a lot about the need for rest lately. 

did you catch that?

i've thought about it.

talked about it.

and haven't done a very good job of actually doing it.

i find rest in taking my time with things, not in shoving a 60 minute task into a 45 minute window and freaking out when i don't finish it. {if you've never done that, you're a far wiser person than i am.} 

but i find rest when i enjoy the process. reading. creating. writing. exercising. pondering. 

not rushing. 

if i'm being honest there are so many things that make me feel less than if i let them. there are so many times when i have to pause and take a deep breath and remind myself that i. am. capable. because i am made in the image of God and he has made me that way.

the more i think over this past year the more i'm ready for things to settle back into normal. but i'm also aware of all of the things this whole pandemic situation has brought to light. we have learned a lot from this year. and while so much of it has been absolutely terrible - it's not all for naught. we cannot slip back into who we were before all of this started. this year affected all of us in different ways, but it also turned our collective world upside-down.

and you know what? that's not all bad. the hard times are what make us grow. 

that doesn't mean any of us would ask to do them over again, but let's take a second to look back and give thanks for the goodness that came through the hard. 

one thing i've been doing imperfectly for a little while now is keep a gratitude journal. yes, there are plenty of days where i don't quite get to it. like the days when i wake up late or my kids wake up early, or both. but there are also plenty of days when i repeat myself over and over. when i'm thankful for the choices i get to make. where i'm thankful for time to drink my coffee hot. where i'm thankful for the people i get to interact with and the opportunities i get and the house i live in. where i'm thankful for my minivan because even though it screams to the world that i'm a mom, it gets me where i need to go, and i can let my kids in and out of it with the push of a button. 

i can sit down and feel bad for myself if i want to try, but i don't have to try very hard to find some thankfuls. 

and that in and of itself is something to put on the list. 

much love to you, friends

xo