you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting

the above sentiment resonates with me far more often than i care to admit. this week especially i feel oh-so-much that i am lacking in just about every area of my life.

i'm not what you would call an optimist. in fact perpetual optimists frustrate me quite often. sometimes life sucks, just admit it and move on.

the likelihood that someone who has screwed you over more times than you can count is going to buck up and do the right thing is somewhat ludicrous. if you hope for it you'll usually end up disappointed in the end. if you don't you won't be disappointed, and maybe, just maybe you'll get a pleasant surprise.

i figure at this point in my life i need to own who i am. i am a pessimistic realist. i don't always like it. in fact, sometimes i hate the part of me that critiques every little thing - the part of me that is so very detail oriented that i find it hard to enjoy certain things if some small thing is off.

generally speaking though, those days when i try too terribly hard to change myself i wind up far more frustrated than the days i look at life as something to LIVE and - for the competitive part of me - be conquered.

for instance: ever since i pulled an all-nighter on friday (we had a sleepover for my high school girls) i have been completely exhausted. so, last night i finally got myself in bed before my second wind could buoy me awake and proceeded to sleep for about 10.5 hours. normally i would beat myself up for failing to get to sleep sooner, for waking up too late, and for sleeping too long.

truthfully, i have berated myself a bit for all of the above. however, i also TRUTHFULLY, needed sleep. i haven't really had a day off this week, and i can feel it. so, for once, i'm going to attempt to give myself a break and just enjoy my afternoon and evening.

it's tougher than one may think...

i hope you see today

as a blessing

not a curse

i hope you see today

as a chance to hope

and a time to stretch

i hope you see today

as an opportunity

to love those around you

i hope you see today

through a lens of grace

i hope you see today

(really see today)

as a gift from God

and a chance to

give back.

no matter what

your perspective

i hope you see today

as a day to be thankful

for something

for someone

for breath

for life

we have all been weighed

each of us has been measured

and we have been found wanting

realistically

really

and truly

and yet

there is GRACE