contentment

{via preciously me}

i've decided that being content means being okay with where you are, even if you're working toward something else.

and today that has been a bit of a struggle. lately, despite all the crazy, it really hasn't been a struggle. i like where we are, and i like where we're going - even if those things don't look exactly how i thought they would when we started dating, or even when we first got married.

today it feels like someone is removing the contentment one finger at a time. and not for any big reason,  just that all of the energy i've expended in the last week or two is starting to catch up with me. it also probably has to do with the fact that keane woke up early today, and has been a bit of a grump for the last few days for some reason. in other words - my one cup of half-caf just really isn't cutting it.

ah, the mom life…

despite this little setback i'm pretty elated with all of the things happening in our world. life is definitely a process. no, we haven't ended up where i thought we would have at this point in our marriage, but i'm also confident that we are where we should be. [plus, i'm not even sure where i thought we would be.] life can pull you in many different directions. yes, we've gone the old-school, more traditional route, but that doesn't make it wrong. it also doesn't mean it's right for everyone.

no matter where we end up in life we can always look back and find the markers that landed us where we are. they may be purposeful or accidental. they may have been choices that we made, or things that happened to us. they may have even been unintended consequences of our choices. we may have slipped into the current of life and just gone along with it, or we may have changed and challenged it for one reason or another.

but at some point you'll find yourself staring down something and looking back at all of the things that set you on the path you're on.

and if you're me you'll find yourself staring down 30 with an 18 month old and a baby on the way, married to the love of your life, living in a place that's ever so slowly feeling more like home, and about to be a second homeowner even if you just need the one.

i thought life would look a little different as an almost 30 year old. i thought i'd be farther along somehow. i'm not even sure how, i just know that growing up i thought 30 was older than it is. or at least older than it seems to be now that i'm staring it in the face.

i don't think anyone on earth has ended up exactly where they thought they'd be even if they've ended up exactly where they want to be. everyone gets twists and turns along the way.

i've also come to realize that most people think they're going to "arrive" at some point in their life. but life is a process. it's a journey. it keeps going even if you get where you've been wanting to go. until we get to the end of our lives we don't stop living.

too often we long for the things of the past, or strive for the future. i do it all the time. i live my life bouncing back and forth between longing and striving, and i refuse to be where i am.

we have today, now. we can't change the past. yes, we can alter the future by the choices we make today, but we have to start where we are. we don't get to skip steps.

wherever you are today, i hope you're content.

xo