preschool

my baby boy starts preschool today. i feel like i could leave this post at that, and most people would understand what i'm trying to say.

i'm so excited for him in so many ways. i know he has great teachers. i know he's at a great school. i know he'll enjoy himself and absolutely love school once he experiences it a few times.

but it means i have to start letting go {even more}. this whole process of parenting is really just "letting go a little more every day." and it's hard.

it's hard. living in the tension all the time. i don't want my kids to hurt, or struggle because i hate seeing them in pain. but i also know that without experiencing struggles and frustrations they will not learn to overcome struggles and frustrations, and that wouldn't set them up very well for this thing we call life.

i know that preschool will be tough for him for the first few days. i know he won't want me to leave today. i know my heart will hurt because i'll want to make it better, but i'll also walk away because i know it's what's best for him in the long run.
EDIT: he didn't actually care that i left - he was already completely engrossed in playing. it made it a lot easier for me not to cry {ahem... until i got to the car}.

he's ready for preschool. he loves going to the playhouse at the Y. he loves going to his classroom at church on sundays. he'll love school too. it's just a matter of him figuring that out.

hopefully today will be an overall positive experience. after the ease of leaving this morning i think it will be.

hopefully i won't cry getting back in the car every day either... i guess time will tell. *wink*

i'm realizing how much i need to take advantage of this time with adele too. i had so much one on one time with keane when he was her age because he is the oldest. i want to utilize this time i have with her, and really enjoy spending some special time with my girl.

i think in life sometimes we think something has to be all one way, or all the other. much of life is bittersweet. it's usually not all one way, or all the other. there are pros and cons to most experiences we have. it's hard to live in the tension. it's hard to acknowledge the cons for what they are without dwelling on them.

i once heard a quote that said "happiness is the place between too little and too much." i think it's a finnish proverb. maybe. anyway, it's so true.
life is about striking a balance inside of that tension.

a lot of the time i feel like i'm just striking out, and not actually hitting that place of balance. but if yoga has taught me anything it's that balance can be incredibly hard to achieve, but when you find it - it's full of grace, and quite beautiful.

and if nothing else, i want to be full of grace.
even in the tension.

xoxo