to my kids on mother's day

to my beautiful little babies.
to the little people who fill my days with joy, laughter, meltdowns, funny faces, silly songs, crying fits, sleep fights, sticky fingers, peanut butter covered kisses, and more kids' shows than i know what to do with --

i am so grateful to be your mama.

i am not grateful in the midst of every moment of every day. because it's hard too. and i know it can be tough for you.

growing up is no easy feat.

i will always do my best to be the best for you. but i will fail. i do fail. you know that better than anyone. most days i feel like i mess it up more than i get it right.

but the right moments... those i hide away in my heart. i store them up for later. the times we splash in the mud puddles and spin in the rain. the times we go fast-fast-fast and you laugh with pleasure at the wind in your faces. the times you each surprise me with your understanding of a new word, or concept, or your mastery of a new skill.

i love watching you learn, and grow, and change. but i want you to slow down and let me savor it. let me remember each stage. let me remember how it felt to snuggle with you as newborns. let me remember the late nights and early mornings. let me remember what you thought of each new food you tried. let me remember how you started crawling, and walking, and running. let me remember the way your little voices sound at each new day. the calls for mama. the calls for da-dee.

let me remember your first day of preschool. let me remember the tears i cried as you jumped right in.

may i always remember the look on your face the first time you got into a swimming pool. may i tuck away into my mind the looks of joy on each of your faces when you see each other in the morning.

may you each know how very much you are loved. from the top of your head down to your tiniest toe.

you see, my loves, there were years when i didn't know if you would ever come. you know that by now, i'm sure. you know that i wondered about you. i wondered who you would be, and why you wouldn't come sooner.

i know it wasn't up to you to decide. it was a God-thing, and just because you're here doesn't mean i fully understand his reasoning.

but, as your daddy says - always remember that what you know makes up the tiniest fraction of the big picture. what you know is infinitely smaller than what you don't.

and that can be scary. it can frighten us to stop and think about how much we don't know. but that doesn't change the truth of it.

we don't know what the future holds, but we know the one who holds it.

i don't know who you will turn out to be when you get bigger, but you don't have to wait until you're bigger to be who God created you to be. do things now. now, when you're too young to realize that one person alone cannot change the world.

do it anyway. may you be so in tune with what God wants for your life that you realize he wants you at the center of his will more than you want to be there. may you trust his prodding and call on your life above all else.

may you be entrenched in what the God of the universe thinks of you, and be more caught up in that, than what any person thinks of you.

may your mama realize more and more that God holds you in his hands. just as he holds the world. may i remember that he is trust-worthy and true even when i do my best to mess it all up.

i will do my best not to be too embarrassing and mama-bear when you get older. but you are my people. you are my people more than anyone else in this world, and i can't pretend i don't have mean thoughts toward anyone who wishes you harm. even now it makes my blood boil to think that anyone in this world could possibly prefer to spend their time with anyone else, and it hasn't even happened yet.

please know, my dear babes, that mommy always has your back. and daddy will always hold mommy back when necessary.

i love you more than words could ever express.

i won't say you're my everything because that is not the role you play, but you pack so much into your tiny beings, and i am beyond grateful for who you are, and that i have been blessed in the way that allows me to be called your mama.

my loves


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