as we go.

there's something about late nights and early mornings. something that calls to me and pulls me in. the quiet. the depth of thought. it reminds me of that quote about 2 a.m. that i can never quite remember even though i know i love it. 

found via pinterest

it's the coffee, the glasses, the feel of pen to paper, or sound of striking keys. it's the smell of cozy candles coupled with mellow music and introspection.

it's the time of day when i find quiet. neither of our kiddos nap consistently anymore, and little man doesn't nap at all. so this is it. my uninterrupted quiet time.

as we move forward with adoption, and get closer to adele going to preschool, i'm getting a bit nostalgic. don't get me wrong - i love where we are and i'm excited about what's next. it's just that i'm realizing how many changes are coming down the pike, and that is making me remember. it's making me remember the painful years of waiting for a child. and the short time that keane was an only child. and holding both of them in my lap to introduce the two of them to each other. 

this life is fleeting. it simultaneously moves at the speed of molasses and light.

life is a strange thing. some days i need to remind myself of the strangeness of it. the beauty in it. the moments i will never get again. 

the tight grip of a hug from my almost three year old. the imagined version of what happened from my four and a half year old. these times when they both want to help make lunch. when keane asks to help me chop vegetables almost every day. when adele constantly makes up words, and makes keane really mad by {taking cues from him and} acting silly toward him. this time when they're both learning how to swim. when they want to go for bike rides. this time of learning that i hope never stops. this time of spinning, dancing, running, swinging, climbing, and playing made-up games.

these days and times that will never come again.

there are so many things i want my kids to know as they grow up, but they cannot learn them all at once. some things cannot be taught simply by speaking them. they take time. they take consistency. and i'm not always the best at demonstrating proper actions {or proper words for that matter}.

but that's life. we learn as we go.

i'm reflecting on some of this because i'm realizing that our time with just two kids is coming to a close. we don't know how long the adoption process will take, but we're actively moving forward. we're actively moving toward being a family of 5.

it feels like it has taken a long time to get here. it seems strange that after this we'll be done. one more baby - if we end up with a baby, and that's it. we'll be out of that "growing our family" stage and on to the next.

life marches on.

i'm also reflecting on these things because i'm about to leave my babies for the longest time ever. ever. tomorrow they're staying home, and i'll be off to help run a camp in brooklyn for the week. i'm excited about it, but i also hate that i'm missing a week of their lives.

i'm not worried about them. they'll be okay. i know that. i'm just going to feel like i'm missing multiple appendages for the week.

but. i'm thankful i get to go on this trip. i'm thankful for the opportunity to go and serve. i'm thankful for the opportunity to go back to brooklyn. it really is one of my favorite places.

and after that? a week at the beach in charleston. yes, i know. i have such a rough life.
and i am beyond grateful.

what are you grateful for this friday morning?

xoxo