Source: via Kate on Pinterest

i've been doing a lot of thinking this morning. i woke up early [for me] at around 6:15 because i was hungry [not the first time in my pregnancy that this has happened...]. it was actually quite pleasant because i got to spend a little bit of time with peter before he headed off to work.

i opted to stay up after breakfast, and get caught up on project runway so the rest of my day wouldn't be impeded by my television show. and then i got caught up on my morning blog roll.

it's strange to me that it's friday already - it has been a weird sort of week.

much of my time has been spent thinking about both death, and life.

i unexpectedly lost a friend this week. he was a guy i used to work with, and he was just shy of 60 years old. he was one of those truly real, genuine people. the kind of person that others gravitate toward because he was so open and honest. so authentic.

it's strange to think that he's no longer on this earth.

there is a hillsong song we sing in church sometimes, and we fittingly sang it at his funeral:

no weeping
no hurt or pain
no suffering
you hold me now
you hold me now

no darkness
no sick or lame
no hiding
you hold me now
you hold me now

for eternity
all my heart will give
all the glory to your name

i have no doubt that my friend is in heaven, standing face to face with our savior, walking in grace, and understanding for the first time what it's like to be fully redeemed - to go fully and completely from sinner to saint.

i am so very appreciative that i got to know him, that i got to receive the blessing of his friendship.

thinking about the end of his life is so strange juxtaposed next to the coming birth of our son. it's strange to think about endings and beginnings in the same moment, in the same breath like that. but at the same time, it has to be that way. endings make way for new beginnings.

for obvious reasons i've been thinking a lot about what comes next, about what life is going to look like in a few months, about how life is going to work, and how i can hold onto myself while adding another facet to who i am.

the vast majority of this i won't know until it's actually happening, but it's so important to me to not only be adaptable [which is tough for me, but i'll learn...] but to retain who i am, and to grow. and to help my baby grow into who he is, and who he will be.

parenting is already a daunting task, and i'm not even doing it yet.

anyway, i've had more time to think lately. especially now that i'm almost done packing my bag for the hospital, and baby boy's seat is in the car all ready to go. now that the nursery is done, and remaining projects are optional. now we just wait. we wait, and we try to enjoy and relax. and we pray for what comes next. for who comes next.

i've been preparing myself for a while to be really uncomfortable. for the most part though, it hasn't been too bad. my back has been hurting on and off, but that was really it. however, yesterday was the first day in over 6 years when i haven't worn my wedding rings. my fingers have swelled up just enough that it hurt to take my rings on and off, and i didn't want them to get stuck. it upset me a bit because we're so close to the end that i was really hoping to get through the whole pregnancy without needing to take them off.

it also really got me thinking [again] about getting a wedding ring tattoo.

i've thought about it off and on for a few years, but never really pushed it since: 1. i wear my rings all the time. all.the.time. so it would never really be seen, and thus, it didn't seem worth it. and 2. i hadn't seen a wedding ring tattoo that i really liked.

but now, thinking about possible future pregnancies as well, i started wondering. i started thinking. and i decided that if [big IF] i ever do get one, this is most likely what it'll look like:

it's our wedding date in roman numerals. it feels personal enough, but not trying to do too much in a tiny little space. and it would truly be hidden under my rings, only to be noticed if i wasn't wearing/couldn't wear them.

who knows if i'd ever go get it, but it's a thought.

what are your reflections
this first day of fall?


most popular