it's not only challenging to dial back on the expectations front, but i have also felt the challenge when it comes to prioritizing and becoming more efficient with the things that must get done.
parenting is a challenge in so many ways, not just in the direct way of what you do with and for and around the baby, but also in how you do everything else.
as much as i love being a mom, some days are harder than others. today, as much as i want to write, the words aren't flowing like they normally do.
i'm tired and worn, and not at all convinced that i have anything of note to say...
keane is 12 weeks old today. 12 weeks. for almost a year now i've counted my life in weeks. from the incredibly-exciting-yet-extremely-scary moment when that plus sign appeared until now i have gone from 4 to 41 weeks, and then started over.
i've also had one of two questions posed to me - "how far along are you?" and now, "how old is he?" [which is usually followed by either "how's he sleeping?" or "how much sleep are you getting?"]
life is so completely different now. and i knew it would be. i knew everything would change, but i didn't understand what "everything" really meant.
i'm also realizing how difficult it is already to do what's best for him even when it's hard. shots for instance - he got his two month shots a couple weeks ago, and that was downright terrible. TERRIBLE. but he got his shots because we believe that is what's best for him.
but i hate to see him cry. i hate to see him in pain. but sometimes it's necessary. sometimes the short-term pain is necessary for long-term protection, for long-term betterment. but it's still hard.
it's true what they say though. the whole concept of "and i thought i loved you then." i thought i loved peter 10 years ago. little did i know how much that love would grow and change. little did i know how true this sentiment is:
i loved keane from the moment i knew he was coming, but somehow that love does nothing but grow. i don't understand it, and yet i know that it's true.
i hope that despite the challenges i will continue to learn and to grow. i hope and pray that i won't become stagnant, and that i will set proper priorities. i hope and pray that i will not let go of the important things to make room for the urgent things. not now, not ever.
and i pray that my family will never wonder if i love them, and will never question how much i love them.
i read one of keane's books to him a lot - it's called "i love you this much" and there's a common refrain in it. one that i will repeat to him for years to come.
i love you best
i love you most
i love you high
i love you low
i love you deep
i love you wide
i love you this much
i'm so very thankful that my heavenly father
says the same to me.