the what-ifs

i had to take a moment and get this off of my chest. this probably will not be the most eloquent post i have ever written, but this is one of those times when i will simply not be able to sleep if i don't write first.

today horrible things happened in boston. horrible things. in one sense it's hard to believe that there is that kind of evil in the world, but then again, we have seen it before.

a lot of times in life we play the "what-if" game in our own minds. and i'm sure there will be some organizers and other such people in boston who will be asking those what if questions. they'll be asking what if i had only done this, or only done that - would that have prevented or detected this plot somehow?

usually the what if game comes about because something bad has happened, and we wish against all odds that we could go back in time and do something else.

the events today happened because there is evil in the world, and some person or people let that evil win out in their decision-making.

and today, as i shake my head in disbelief, i am also thanking God yet again for my little boy.

you see, on this day:

on january 14, 2012 i ran in my first marathon in charleston. and i qualified for the boston marathon.

had i not found out one month later that i was pregnant with keane, there is a very good chance i would have been running in boston today.

what ifs are often asked about things you wish hadn't happened - and i very much wish that the tragedies in boston had not happened today. very, very much.

yet i'm also in shock and awe at the profound grace that has been poured out on me. my son is such a huge huge blessing. and on a day like today, i ask, what if we didn't have keane? what then? where would i be right now?

as with the rest of the nation, my thoughts and prayers go out to the people of boston, the runners today, the first responders, and those who have come behind who are trying to sort out what happened.

sometimes the implications of events 
reach much farther than we could ever dream.


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