under the weather

fair warning: this is going to be a stream of consciousness post. so, prepare yourself for some hefty non-sequiturs...

made me chuckle :o)
{via earthly delight}

at our house we've been under the weather since the weekend, and i feel like i'm just starting to crawl out of my cave. i've not been outside [not really] since friday, and this place is getting a bit stifling. my m-i-l is keeping the keane-ster for a little bit this afternoon though, and i plan on plopping myself down somewhere outside, and basking in the fresh fall[-ish] air. and maybe repainting my nails.

i also plan on going outside without fully doing my hair. meaning the only part of my hair that i've touched since i woke up this morning is my bangs because i can't make it that obvious that i didn't touch my hair since i showered and went to sleep last night. i don't want to seem gross, although i guess it kind of is because you're only supposed to look like you slept in your hair as opposed to actually doing it. oh well. have i mentioned i haven't been outside since friday?

i want to break out my journal and write for a while this afternoon as well, but i may get too distracted from being with all the 3 dimensional people to get much written.

so much has happened in the last week or so though, and i haven't had much concentrated writing time in close to a month. someone super close to me recently lost a baby, a few other people i know have announced they're having babies, and i'm getting nervous about the second time around for us. i mean, how long will it take? the first go round it took us 40 months to have a healthy pregnancy. it took 23 for a pregnancy, and 40 for a healthy one. i don't have another 40 months in me. or 23 for that matter.

we've talked about trying to have all of our paperwork pretty much set and ready for the adoption agency when i turn thirty next year. a bunch of countries will not let you adopt internationally unless both parents are thirty or older. so, even though we're hoping to have another biological child before we bring home an adopted child, the process often takes so long that we want to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later.

to be honest, all of the baby talk kind of makes me sad. all of these people having babies. i mean, don't get me wrong, it's awesome and amazing that new babies are coming into this world into the welcoming arms of parents who love them, into families who want them and will nurture and care for them. i'm excited in many ways. but there is always the small part of me who cries for those who can't have a child every single time i hear about someone who is having a child. the part of me that cries for the lost babies, and the lost pregnancies, and the couples who have to believe that hope dies last, and have to believe that God has not forgotten them, and have to keep believing because they have to.

it probably makes me a horrible friend - that part of me that cries. so, if you've ever told me you're pregnant, and i was not as out and out obviously excited as i should have been, i'm very sorry. really and truly.

my father-in-law has a saying, i'm not sure where he got it from, but i attribute it to him nonetheless. he says, "life's not fair, but God is good." and it is so true. i think that is part of the problem in our world today. we grew up thinking things were supposed to be fair - thinking things were going to be fair - thinking we deserved fair. but life is not fair. life is anything but fair.

it is the second half that we must cling to: God is good. too often we cling to the first half [or maybe that's just me, because i know i do] and we wallow in the fact that life isn't fair. and we wonder why life isn't fair, and we stop there.

sometimes i forget that God is good, always.

this was supposed to be a light-hearted post, but apparently there is a part of me that cannot stick to light-hearted goals...

so, moving right along.

i started my christmas shopping last week. yes, already. the season stays less hectic that way. the years when i step back on december 1st and look at everyone on my list with nary a thought as to what we will give them, those years freak me out and have peter reaching for the gin. okay, that's not true at all. peter has never reached for gin in his life. but i do freak out! that much is true. and he has to calm me down and it gets a little crazy. so, this year i've decided to try and help out the sanity of our household and start the shopping über early.

doing lots of shopping also makes me remember how many things i *need* [in this instance need really means want, but in the sense of really really really want, and with three "really"s in there it's basically borderline need, right?]. besides, as we discussed before, i am a perfectionist, and thus must have the perfect pieces for every outfit. and for the kitchen. and for every nook and cranny of our home.

of course it doesn't help that i love fall and winter. and i love wearing the clothes that come with fall and winter, and i'm constantly buying sweaters because i love sweaters, and then i realize my closet is full of sweaters, and i really shouldn't buy any more of them. then i swing the other way and think - it's too warm down here too much of the year to only wear sweaters! i have to buy other things. and so i do. [the same could be said of my collection of boots. just substitute "boots" in for "sweaters" ^above ^ and you'll get the idea]

keane has started transitioning from two naps a day to one. it doesn't always happen that way, and he's on far less of a schedule now then he has been for his entire life because of it, but we're trying our best to figure it out and make it work.

it has definitely led to me feeling like a bad mom a lot recently though. i think he should be sleepy [and often he IS sleepy] but he won't fall asleep, or things happen like today - he started falling asleep on me this morning, [which never happens at home] but once he entered a 5 foot radius around his crib he started whining and then screaming like he was being tortured. no dice.

slowly life will return back to normal after sickness and exhaustion and nap transitions. slowly we'll find the new normal.

one of peter's sayings that he reminds me of all the time is this: "it'll be okay." do you know what i told him this morning? "i know, i just don't like the in between parts." those parts when it's not okay yet, even though i know it will be eventually, those are exhausting and emotionally trying.

anyway, i suppose i've mentally expunged enough for one day, and while i could keep going, i'll spare you the time and trouble.

we're on the mend over here, and i hope you're well wherever you are!



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