busy times.

i feel like there's really not much to report as of late. just not much to say... life happens in the smallest little daily increments that most moments just don't seem all that important. plus, right now my life consists of taking care of two little lives, and not much else. i wish i had more time to write, more time to exercise, more time to cook and bake, more time to take walks and enjoy the outdoors - especially now that the leaves are changing.

our season of life takes precedence over all of those other things though. even though it's frustrating and overwhelming sometimes, i wouldn't change where we are. i love our kids. they change how life works. they make it so much more challenging, but they're fantastic. they're fantastic even when the middle of the night feedings are not. they're fantastic even when naps get cut short. even when grocery shopping must be done after keane has gone to bed instead of the middle of the day. and even when adele wakes up in the middle of my trying to take a shower. again.

peter helped [and helps] me adjust my perspective. i was exhausted and annoyed a few nights ago when adele just wouldn't sleep. the next day he reminded me that she's good. she may not be doing what we want her to do, but she's healthy, and growing, and good.

yes, i want her to get onto a schedule. yes, i want to get more sleep. true story on all counts. but it takes time. keane spoiled us with being a pretty good sleeper, and i didn't fully remember what it's like to have a new baby with all the middle of the night feedings, and the sleep training and the constant nursing. it is a demanding and exhausting process. it's a lot. truly. but it doesn't last forever.

and i just have to remind myself that it doesn't last forever. that we're currently six weeks closer to getting onto a more normal schedule, and that has to be okay. and it is okay. at certain times it feels more okay than others, but it is okay.

truthfully i feel like a bit of a slacker most of the time because the house is always a disaster zone, i've cooked maybe 3 dinners in the last six weeks, and getting out of my pajamas and into regular clothes does not happen anywhere close to daily right now. oh, and the bathrooms don't get cleaned, the floors do not get swept [except when keane "brushes" them], and i have gotten the vacuum out one time in the last six weeks. one time. and that was mostly because the dog tracked in a whole mess of junk from outside.

sure, right now i'm writing instead of cleaning, but to be fair writing keeps me sane. cleaning i don't care about so much. well, at least until i look around at how gross things are, and then [if i'm being honest] i'm ashamed that i let my family live like this. but something has to give, right?

that's what i tell myself anyway...



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