already written

lately i've been trying to see farther down the path than what i can see. i've mentioned it here at times. some times more obtuse than others. but i think the thing that has given me more comfort and rest than anything else is the realization that the story is already written. 

yes, i recognize that can be maddening {and some of you think i'm crazy for believing that's true in the first place, which is fine}. but here's the thing. i either trust that God is in control and outside of space and time and therefore he knows what hasn't happened yet in the trajectory of my space-time continuum, or i don’t. but if i believe that, then it is already written.

this doesn't mean i'm not culpable. it doesn't mean that i cannot make choices, or have no effect on my own life. but it means that he already knows. and my name is written in the book of life. and the things that i struggle with right now are just as fleeting as the happy moments that are so good i can taste them. 

this life is a mist. and most days it makes less sense than i would like it to. but here it is. this mist, this grace, this life. it’s a mist, but it’s here. and i can simultaneously be grateful for the gift of these fleeting misty moments, be appreciative of my agency encompassed inside of them, and know, trust, and believe that

it

is

already

written. 

xoxo