like salve to a wound

Today was a mixed day, full of tangled emotion, good conversations, and profound disappointments.

I wish I could explain it all to you, but my heart lacks the depth and words to do so.

Tonight, staying up later than I should thinking about whatever I want, and letting my imagination run wild - paired with hot cider, a cozy sweater, the smooth voice of Frank Sinatra, and the cathartic sound of typing - these simple things ease my heart and help me believe that it truly will be alright.

The words I would say are stuck inside my head right now. They seem to be bottle-necking and coming out on paper in unintelligible half-sentences. 

Despite the gloom that hung on many of my moments today there were gems of moments that made the day worthwhile. Many of said moments were spent in the kitchen preparing our dinner of steamed green beans, garlic mashed potatoes and grilled pork in a champagne pear (dressing) marinade. I do wish I had marinated the pork for longer, but it turned out well nonetheless.

Pictures of my sweet little niece and nephew uplifted me, as did my first sampling of an apple chai at Starbucks. Hugs from my husband and his desire to love and protect me despite all the world hurls at me warms me to my very soul.

I know God is here, and I know he is in control. Sometimes I just don't understand what he's doing or why. I can't wrap my mind around his reasoning or purpose, and I tend to forget I can't actually see the big picture. 

Most days, regardless of circumstances, I hope against hope (ALWAYS HOPE), and have to believe that there is a purpose for me on this mess we've made of a planet.

I must have faith, and I must keep hoping that daily the good will win out over the evil, and I will enjoy more moments than I endure. I must see the beauty in the creation around me, and let my heart worship the creator for everything he's given - even when it feels more like he has taken more than he has given.

And so, despite my fickle feelings and jumbled day I have been blessed today.

• After turning off my alarm and drifting back to sleep I still woke with plenty of time to accomplish everything necessary in the morning.
• spent time at work with coworkers who genuinely care about me and what is going on in my world.
• menu planned
• perused the mall and had Starbucks
• caught up w. one of my sisters-in-law
• received compliments from unexpected people
• shared dinner with my husband

here's to trying to get the glass back to half full

sweet dreams and wishes for a happy wednesday.