a little of this and a little of that.

{via smashingpicture.com}

it feels cold in our house today, which truthfully is quite a feat considering that it is 60+ degrees outside on december 20th. apparently good old nc has decided to emulate florida this christmas season much to my chagrin. i haven't let it stop me from wearing sweaters though. or drinking hot drinks. or dreaming of snow.

this is the time of year when things get… crazy. super duper i-don't-want-to-leave-my-house crazy. and somehow that seems to have extended to every online forum known to man. [please excuse the following mini-rant.] i've noticed even more than usual that there are a lot of haters out there. and i mean haters. so, let me just say my piece and be done with it because this is my little corner of cyber-space, and i can.

seriously, people, what is the point? if you don't like some team, don't follow them of facebook, twitter, or instagram. there is no need to make asinine comments on photos of people you don't like. be the bigger person and scroll past. for instance, there are a few teams in the nfl that i don't particularly care for, so i'm NOT going to "like" their facebook pages and then leave ridiculous comments on everything they post. if you hate someone/something/some team so much then why waste all your time reading everything they have to say??

don't get me wrong, listening to other perspectives is absolutely valuable, but there is a difference between actually trying to understand, and listening only to dispute. there is such a thing as a healthy discussion, but most things online turn into name-calling drivel. and i'm quite sick of it.

i digress.

what else has been going on here, you ask? well, i've fallen even more in love with cooking and baking. i've made snickerdoodles and gingerbread cookies over the course of the last week or so, and i'm planning to make chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter kiss cookies, and orange cookies in the next few days, along with a spice cake that just happens to be my great-grandma's recipe. it also helps that i spent yesterday morning poring over two different cookbooks, and watching "julie & julia." i made the icing for the gingerbread cookies last night, and keane helped by stealing my measuring cup and then carrying it around with him for the rest of the evening.

i can't wait until he's a little bit older and can actually help me cook and bake by helping me measure and dumping ingredients into the bowl. he already likes to watch the mixer work its magic and transform ingredients into batter. granted he also wants the grab ahold of the mixer attachment as it's spinning, but something is better than nothing.

as i watched julie & julia yesterday i thought about the continuity between julie's character and my character me. we both like to cook, and we both like to write. in the movie she goes back and forth and all over the place about her ability to write. at the end of the day she ended up with a book deal, and a movie based on the subsequent book, which is pretty amazing for someone who didn't think she could hack it as a writer.

and i kind of find myself thinking - if she can do it, i can, right? there are many passions in my life, some of which have currently gotten shoved to the back burner, but man i'm stubborn when i set my mind on something…

lately, i've been reading a book that has me thinking about my perfectionism in a different light. [the book is called "daring greatly" and thus far i highly highly recommend it.] perfectionism is really just a defense mechanism for me. it is. [and i hate to tell you, but that's true for most perfectionists.] it's my way of pretending to risk while simultaneously being afraid of failure. i set such a ridiculous bar for myself that i cannot possibly meet it, and it keeps me from actually being vulnerable and risking for real.

i don't actually stick my neck out. sticking my neck out is the only way to really actually try, but i don't want to do it. because it's scary. it goes back to the old quote: "a ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships were built for." how true.

we can either be safe, or we can try something. if i try i may fail, heck, i'll probably fail, but at least i'll know one way or the other.

i'm reminded of a quote that is on the back of one of my t-shirts from high school soccer. it is one of my favorite t-shirts, and i usually wear it for the first day of preseason when i'm coaching. it says: "you don't get what you wish for, you get what you work for."

and that's the thing. i have grand illusions of all kinds of things. wouldn't it be great if this? wouldn't it be great if that? DO THE WORK. bleed yourself dry. and then maybe it will happen. maybe. but if not, at least you really put it all out there. [don't worry, i'm not yelling at you, i'm yelling at me.]

i simultaneously feel like i've learned quite a lot in my 29 years, and like i've learned nothing at all. like i don't know where to start now that i've decided i should, and i just need a swift kick in the pants.

there are so many things that i want to do, and places i want to visit, and all too often i get paralyzed by trying to choose which path to pursue. i have to stop and remind myself that most of the time with these types of questions, there is not one right answer and one wrong answer. it's not a moral dilemma, it's just a decision. here comes the perfectionism again -- i know there are many things i could do, but what's the best decision??

the best decision is to stop sitting on your hands and make a real decision. BOOM. kick.in.the.pants.

oh, and merry christmas to you! {*wink*}

happy friday


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