my baby girl

{found via pinterest from kristine's kitchen}

adele turns one this week. as in two days from now.

i'm almost done weaning her, and it's the oddest feeling. because the likelihood of us having another biological child is slim to none. we've always said 3, and adopt the third. always. ever since we were engaged. which means that while we're not done having kids, i probably won't be pregnant or nursing a baby again.

in some ways i feel like i'm not quite ready to give it up. it has been both easier and harder to nurse adele. i'm ready to be done in many ways, but at the same time i don't want to admit that she's actually turning one. isn't the second one supposed to go slower than the first since you've now realized that it's not terribly important for them to do everything quickly?

adele isn't walking yet. she's cruising, but not walking, and i'm much more okay with that than i was with the fact that keane wasn't walking yet on his first birthday. because with the first one you want them to go go go. with the second i'm like, "she'll walk when she's ready." i'm just not worried about it. this unworried attitude is not true of everything with the second child, but that stuff definitely feels less crucial this time. she'll do it when she's ready. just like keane did.

in many ways it'll be so much easier when my kids are a little older. many days now are just hard. someone always needs to eat or sleep, and those things are really just starting to get to the point where both kids eat or sleep at the same time. i'm both thankful for, and exhausted by this time. i know it will get better and worse.

a few months ago i was talking to a mom at church who has a grown son and a daughter in college. and she gave me some good advice that - wasn't really advice, but it was - sort of advice - follow that?

anyway, she said with her kids she tried to just enjoy the stage they were in, and not wish for a different one. each stage has its own benefits and drawbacks and dwelling too much on any one makes you miss some of the others. and it's so true.

there are really great things and really hard things about having two young kids. and i'm trying to be mindful about it. i'm trying to be in it where i am because that's where i am.

whether i enjoy it or suffer through it i'm not going to get it back again.

my baby girl turns one in two short days. two days. i still haven't fully wrapped my mind around that. she's a pretty fantastic little human. she's so curious, and for the most part a very happy kid. except when her brother is tackling her, that is. of course it makes her tough, and she loves keane no less because of it.

she's a major daddy's girl which is one of the sweetest things to watch. her face lights up as soon as she sees peter. even from a distance. she waves her arms and kicks her legs and makes excited noises until he's holding her. as soon as she's close enough to him she reaches - sometimes full-on dives - into his arms. it feels kind of like a game of hide & seek, "ready or not daddy, here i come!"

she's usually shy at first, just like keane, and she still hates when mama and dada leave; though i'm told she settles down quickly.

i was afraid to have a daughter. after having a boy, and growing up with a brother and no sisters i was much more comfortable having a boy. i know she's only one, and my fears still creep up now and again, but i have such a great girl. i know that my fears will ping-pong around and will continue throughout her life. but isn't that the definition of being a parent? "exhausted, scared to death, unqualified, and exhilarated. always. simultaneously."

even on the hard days, i am so very thankful for my kids.
happy almost birthday, adele!
i love you to pieces.



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