sometimes

{found via pinterest from fox on the run}

sometimes i sit for a while and stare at my blank computer screen in the morning. i just stare at it waiting for my thoughts to mesh into coherent words. this morning my thoughts are all over the place. they span from all of the many people we saw and visited with this weekend, to planning soccer practice this afternoon, to what i should move toward next vocationally and what we should move toward as a family in general, to the people we have running for the highest office in this land - which tells you something about the state of our country in general, to an acquaintance of mine who lost her 7 month old son on sunday.

you guys this list is crazy. and some of it completely breaks my heart. some of it i just want to move away from and not think about. i want to distract myself with other things because dealing with some parts of life as they actually are just hurt.

i'm a bit at a loss for words, which makes writing a little bit tough. i let myself get lost for a minute {or twelve} on pinterest, but at the end of the day looking at some beautiful things only helps but so much.

some things in life are hard. some are excruciating, and some are just grating like a blister you know is coming, but you can't prevent.

i want to live my life purposefully and intentionally. we want to model that for our kids. sometimes things in life happen that you can't control, yes. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be intentional about how you live. you can happen to life, or life can happen to you.

and there are so many applications that we miss by just going with the flow of the culture around us. there are so many applications that we miss by not taking the time to think about what we're really called to, and what the bible really means when it says certain things. we say we believe the bible wholly and completely, but we don't live that way.

i can sit here and pat myself on the back for the things i'm doing well, and turn a blind eye to the things i wish it didn't say in there. and quite often i do. we all have our blind spots.

i've struggled lately with the whole political everything in this country. {i think the reasons are pretty obvious as to why, but if you're not sure feel free to comment below and i'll get in touch with you.} there are plenty of reasons to give up on it. plenty. the names on the ballot this year are only a few of them.

my struggle is more in the places where government has stepped in in the past where they shouldn't have needed to step in. because i recognize that there are a lot of social justice areas where the government should not have needed to step in and take over {and largely make a mess of it}. but they did need to because it needed to be done.

and that is the part i struggle with now.

even though the government shouldn't have needed to take over in many of these areas, they did. and now that they have it'll be fairly impossible to take them back.

so in one sense the fact that the church has largely abdicated its role when it comes to social justices doesn't matter since the church probably won't have the opportunity to take it back. but we're still called to those things. it doesn't mean that we should continue to abdicate that role. so what does that look like now? what does our calling look like now?

in many ways i think too small about such things. or maybe it's just that i forget how big God is. i "know" a lot of things about God, but i forget how big he really is. i try to take too many things on my tiny shoulders, and don't pay attention to what he's doing, or what he'd have me do. i too easily forget that he holds the whole world in his hands, and no one is too far gone for him. {not even mr. drumpf.}

thinking about everything all at once can easily become overwhelming. because how do we actually make a difference? we cannot affect everything. as individuals we will never be able to touch all of the problems in this world. God is the only one who can give us a new heaven and a new earth. and he will, in his timing.

but we are still called to affect change. we are still called to affect those around us. we are called to something. not everything, but something.

sometimes that is something big, and sometimes it's not. but the biggest driver of our lives should not be our comfort.

there are far too many days when i want to just live inside of my comfort zone, but i don't make much of a difference in this world when i stay there.

i like the idea of challenging myself, and stepping outside of my comfort zone, and doing something everyday that scares me. i like the idea of those things because that is where the big things happen. but in practice i seem to find an excuse not to do them. because they're hard. the things that make life really worth it are rarely easy. and we all know that, but somehow that doesn't help us do the hard things.

so many things to ponder... how do you affect change? is it really just about starting somewhere? where are you going to start?

xoxo