control can be such an ugly word. and the past couple of days have dealt me a hand of reminder that i am not in control. not in control.

far too often i want to be, and i get upset when i'm not, but at the end of the day -- i'm not in control.
and likewise, at the end of the day, that is a very good thing.

it is also a freeing thing. because if God calls me to do something, and i'm obedient, then things will turn out how HE wants them to turn out. sometimes it will be how i want it to turn out, and sometimes it won't be. but he's in control, i'm not. if i obey him i'm not responsible. i'm off the hook.

i know that sounds weird, but i get freaked out about failure. i hate failing. i hate failure. i hate messing up. all of it. hate it.

and so, it helps me to realize that i'm not in control. to remember that God holds the whole world in his hands. that ultimately, it's up to him. i could do everything wrong, but if he wants it to work, it'll still work. i could do everything right, and if he doesn't want it to continue, it won't.

of course i am still responsible for the doing, for the obeying, but really - i'm here to glorify God. and if he's glorified in my failure, than it's okay that i failed.

Source: via Kate on Pinterest

peter tells me not to worry about failure, and to "fail better" a lot. the fear of failure paralyzes me more often than i would like. thus, "failing better" is a good reminder that there is such a thing. there is in fact, a difference, between failing miserably and barely failing.

my prayer is that God would be glorified in my successes and my failures. whether i succeed radically, or fail miserably, or fail better, or succeed moderately, may God gain glory from it and in it.

for not one sparrow falls to the ground
outside of the farher's hand.


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