not wonder, wonderings

Today was all around a pretty good day, but as I'm here, visiting I can't help but think about many things. I'm trying to make sense of both my life and life in general. It is one of those days where both answers elude me.

As I was searching through the documents on my computer today I found the following poem I wrote a month or two ago, but it fits my thoughts like a glove.

sitting in the dark

lonely in the stark, white room

no cozy, comfortable night for you

faced with the cold reality

there's nothing you can do

what is it that changed?

lay awake in the dank cold

it seeps slowly through my bones

numbing me as it goes

i am closed off and unfeeling

my eyes fill with nothing

a blank stare

the light is dying

what will spark me back to life?

what will thaw me out of this paralysis?

i know you are real

i know you are here

but i cry out to you

and hear no answer

your miracles reverberate around me

none of them clutch me

my dreams are borne of a pipe

they slowly disintegrate like ashes

where is the meaning i need?

the answers are out there

i can almost hear their mocking

"come and get it"

maybe i should

I am not full of wonder, but wonderings. The two are so very different. One paints a picture of an awestruck child seeing snow for the first time. The other is a picture of angst and questions hurled at the sky, desperate for answers.

here's hoping the answers

come as easily as the questions