struggles

sometimes life is a big ugly struggle.
you search.
hope.
pray.

but at the end of the day.
you got nothin'.

the search party is called off
because you realize
you'll never find what you're
looking for.

your hopes die out
smashed down by the world
and the cruelty of it all.

you begin to doubt,
for the first time
in a long time,
whether anyone is listening
at the other end of your prayers.

life isn't anything like
you thought it would be.

and quite possibly the worst part
about it all
is that nothing, no one,
can make it any better.

but the world doesn't stop
spinning.
it keeps right on going,
and you have to keep up.
even as you flail about,
with no footing.
even as you struggle to hold on
to anything good whatsoever.

it pitches back and forth
forcing you to put
one foot in front of the other
mixing you up so much
that you'll never get where you want to go.

i never thought i'd be here.