this morning as i was making my coffee a picture caught my eye. one from our wedding.

this one, in fact:

i love this picture. it makes me smile every time i look at it because it wasn't planned or posed. there are many pictures you take on your wedding day that are planned and posed, but the best ones are the ones when moments are simply caught.

as i looked at this picture this morning i got to thinking about our wedding day. i got to thinking about peter, and how crazy life is.

and how different my life would be without him in it. how different everything would have turned out if i had never met him. how different my life would be if i had made different choices.

i don't actually want to find out what life is like without him, mind you. it was just one of those moments where you realize how much one little thing affected your life.

one little conversation turned into another longer one, which turned into a relationship that has lasted for years. [almost a third of my life, actually] and one that will last a lifetime.

it's mind-blowing to think that at any moment your whole life could change.

sometimes i worry that i'm not going to remember everything i need to remember. that somehow big moments in life are going to pass me by so quickly that i won't have time to pause and study them, so i know i'll remember them forever.

but it's funny how you don't forget the big things. good or bad.

and yet, life is built on small things. people grow together and apart at infinitesimally small increments. all the big things come about because of many little things that happened before them. the next tiny little small thing happens, and everything is different. little choices, little moments change everything.

sometimes it's hard to look back over your life and not have any regrets. but the thing is, we don't really know. i don't know what would have happened if i had done any one thing differently. i am who i am, and where i am because of every single thing that has happened in my life up to this point.

sure there are things about me that i still want to work on, and change, but it's a process. and while some days i'm more okay with who i am than others, i have to trust that this is where God has me right now. and no matter what's going on - he can work with it. [after all he is God]

life is a combination of huge decisions, and tiny little ones. some decisions require thought, prayer, wisdom from others, and whatever else... and some of them are more like a reflex. but they all determine what happens next.

personally, if i think about this too much it makes my head spin, and almost paralyzes me from doing anything at all - but that's a choice too. i could sit here and get depressed and think i can't win because i don't have any control over anything.


i could think that i can't lose. because each decision, each moment, each day, i get another chance.

i'm slowly learning how to be here now. how to put one of my favorite verses into practice a little bit better.

"do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
each day has enough trouble
of its own." -matt. 6:34

which one little thing
are you grateful for today?


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