as time goes by

i can't believe it has been 5 years. five years since ally shay was born. five years since i moved to charlotte. five years since we were planning our wedding.

i can't believe how long it has been. i can't believe how much has changed - and that a few things haven't. it's so strange to stop and think about landmarks, and how much can change so quickly. how fast it can all go.

life disappears.
it's never what you expect, even if it is.

even if it happens exactly according to your plan life is never what you think it'll be.

i feel like i've been learning this lesson a lot lately, and i'm not sure what that means. i'm not sure what to think, really, or where to go from here.

i have ideas that i'm thinking about, and praying about -- plenty of things we're praying about. and yet, i feel very unsettled.

i don't like the lack of closure. i don't like not knowing what's going on, not knowing what's coming up. my mind is all over the place tonight. [road trips tend to make me think about a lot.] i haven't quite had time to make sense of much yet, but i'm working on it.

and some of it just may not make sense. at all.

i was listening to train today, and i heard a song for the first time. well, i should say i "heard" a song for the first time. it was one of those i had heard it many times, but never really listened before.

i'll leave you with it tonight -- it sums up my day well, in the abstract at least.

when we learn how to fly

we forget how to walk

when we learn how to sing

don't want to hear each other talk

when we know what we want

we forget what we need...

here we are at the finish line