yesterday peter and i talked a lot about perspectives. and the whole time we talked i couldn't help but think - life is hard. it's so easy for me to get overwhelmed by life. by everything i should do. by everything i'm not doing. by looking at how i should handle every situation.

if i think about it too much it makes me want to become a hermit. it almost makes me want to cut ties with everyone except peter because i screw it all up far too often. i could so easily live my life trying to appease everyone else, and not really LIVE.

like anything else, there's a balance. and usually when things tip over, it's because they were completely off balance.

so much of life comes down to balancing it all. some days it's low risk -- like simply walking along a wide balance beam no more than a foot off the ground. but other days it turns into a tight rope with no safety net. one wrong move will end you.

life is hard.

sometimes i wonder what it looks like to really live it well. other times, i'm sitting there with "all the answers". as i said to someone this weekend though - knowing it in my head, and showing it in how i live my life are two very different things.

i've learned where some of my blind spots are in the past few days. no one likes to look one's weaknesses straight in the face, and i am no exception.

for instance today, and right now, i have had a weakness for salt & vinegar chips. this is not the norm in any sense of the word. i could probably count on one hand the amount of times i have bought salt & vinegar chips. and yet, today while grocery shopping i bought a bag and have proceeded to munch to my heart's content.

sometimes things just hit you out of nowhere. big things. tiny little barely significant things. this is the way others' perspectives hit me sometimes.

far too often i have a load of trouble truly understanding another person's perspective. mine gets in the way too much. and yet, when i do get it, i usually get it. generally speaking my reaction goes somewhat like this: "oh. OH. huh. i didn't get that at all. that's very interesting." other times it looks more like this: "wow. that's what you think? you are dead wrong." neither of these is always [or even usually] uttered aloud mind you, but one of them is there nonetheless.

this is a tricky concept too for someone like me because i usually do try to have grace i try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but i run into problems because i have a very high justice meter. so grace is often easier for me to give to people i don't know, or people who are on my good side.

but Jesus said everyone loves their friends, and we are called to love our enemies.

the more i think about it the more i think we need a broader definition of enemies. i normally think of enemy enemies. hard-core enemies. like people i would personally go to war with, or actually kill. and there aren't many of those.

but there are plenty of people for whom i harbor even a little bit of bitterness or resentment towards. and whether they're complete, true enemies or not, i've made them my enemies.

i think i need to shift my perspective

...yet again.


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