soak in the silence

this morning i'm sitting in our family room, staring out our wall of windows, and soaking in the silence. i'm watching the sunlight float in - my herbs soaking up the rays. there is plenty for me to do today. and the impatient part of me is starting to make its voice heard. but i don't really want to move from this just yet.

i'd rather sit and savor both my coffee, and my day off from one of my jobs.
sure, i have a menu and a practice to plan, grocery and birthday shopping to do, and big life decisions to think through, but for once i'm going to sit and enjoy a few moments. moments void of noise from the television, but filled instead with nothing but the calling of the birds in my back yard, and my fingers on the keyboard.

it's moments like these when i crave more. not in the sense of needing more than i have because that is simply not true - but in the sense of utilizing everything that i've already been given.

i look outside to the backyard and think about reading on our deck more, or playing games in the yard, or using our shed for painting projects like i planned to do when we moved in. i think about sitting on our front porch and enjoying coffee and conversation.

too often we're running from place to place, or filling slots of time up with nothing useful or important. too often everything seems so planned out for me, but i don't want life's circumstances to plan my life for me. i want to live life on purpose.

i was reminded this morning - through the unlikeliest of sources - that looking at what you miss out on is no way to go through life. we all lose things, people, opportunities, etc., but focusing on them doesn't do anything for anyone - least of all you.

it seems like there are so many more words brimming inside of me, trying to get out, but i don't yet know how to truly give them a voice.

it's so strange how something so seemingly random can change your perspective on the whole of life. we hardly ever expect the big things to happen when they do. i've been learning lately that as hard as we try to plan everything out, we're not in control. i want to be. i want to know what is going to happen and when it's going to happen. i want to be ready for everything -- i like knowing what to expect.

too often i'm the person throwing my hands up in the air asking why we've been wandering in the desert for years, instead of following abraham's example and heading out without knowing where i'm going, trusting that i will be led in the way i should go.

that's kind of a lot
for a monday.


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