hello & goodbye

far too often one comes directly on the heels of the other.

it seems as though you just start to get settled somewhere, and then you have to up and leave.

my dad and stepmom were here this weekend, visiting us. [which is why blogger got a bit neglected.] the weekend trips always go so quickly. the thought of fleeting trips has me thinking about ins and outs, doors and chapters, and all the other clichés about moving on to something new.

i almost feel like my approach to what comes next is similar to one of those old game shows where you have to choose "door #1", "door #2", or "door #3" before you actually know what's behind any of them.

when we were in france i took a lot of pictures of doors. some were on or in famous buildings, some were in random places around the cities and towns, but some were the entrances to peoples' homes.

each one was unique.
each one reflected whomever was behind it - whether the builder, the designer, or the family that moved into the house because or in spite of it.

just like each opportunity is entirely unique.
i don't know what's behind the next door.
i don't know what will happen in the next chapter of my life.
i still feel like i'm on the cusp of something not yet realized.

which i am, in a way.
we all are, really.
it's just that i realize it more right now.
in the in-between.

and as much as the in-between sucks,
it's also a time i'll look back on with gratitude.
gratitude that i could take a little bit of time off
to set myself up for whatever is next.

far too often i take things for granted
i take people for granted.
not many people in this world
could more or less
stop everything to figure out what's next.
this time is forcing me to reevaluate.
to slow down, and analyze -
what's working?
what needs to change?

how can i change to become
more like the person i actually want to be?
which doors do i need to walk through daily?
which doors do i need to throw a match into,
and let them burn because
they aren't good for me?

there are some doors i need to walk through
even though i'm scared out of my mind.

some doors that i've been staring at for far too long.
and it's about time to walk on through.
there are some i've been knocking on for a long, long time -
praying, hoping, that someone will let me in.
and for those, it's just time to walk on.

where are you?
are you standing in front of a door that won't open?
or are you standing in front of a door afraid to knock?
or maybe you're in the best of all places --
you've walked through the right door, 
bought the house, and painted the door a new color.
your own color.
and you're simply home.

wherever you are
i hope you're thankful
for the process.


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